Letters To Her

How did this happen?
I can barely remember your face now
but I can never forget the pain,
the cold chill of death freezing my insides.
I was sure that I died with you in the hospital that night;
my light being snuffed out by an infinite darkness 
just as night extinguishes day.
I'm still not sure of who the person is that wore my face
as I took that first step beyond the end,
because I am still here. 
I'm not even half alive now yet my lungs still
desperately suck in the stale air of this pseudo life,
trying to blend in with a purpose but only for the sake of others
and all of my confusion.
Twelve years have passed like the metronome tick of seconds
dissappearing on a clock, twelve years and I still don't understand...
why did you have to die? Why did you leave me here?
I would like to believe that you can hear me when I talk to you,
I'm sure that you cannot but I have made a habbit out of lying to myself.
It is so very easy.
So what do I do now?
I have spent these forged years searching for answers that I know I will
never find. I'm not sure if there is any fight left in me.
I am very cold now.
I miss you...