deepundergroundpoetry.com
shiver
as u lay me on top of u, i giv u a seductive smile. u kiz my shoulda nd make ur way to my nek. i get a seductive shiver thru out my body. u smile at da fact dat u had juz turnd me on. as i stradle u i kiz ur lipz. u let out a soft sigh az i lightly bite ur lowa lip. i make my way dwn to ur zipper, nd im welcumd by a hard bump. i pull dwn ur jeanz nd boxerz. ur big boi shwz he'z ready to play. i start out lightly nibblin him frum da top. i let him enter my mouth very slwly. u let out a moan. u try to move my head up nd dwn fasta, but i want to make u shiver. so i take ur handz in mine. i go fasta den slw dwn. u start to melt in my mouth. finally u get the seductive shiver i've been waitin fo u to get.[/font]
Published 4th May 2011
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likes 1
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comments 3
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The author encourages honest critique.
Its a good poem but as im reading it, it begins to sound choppy. There are too may periods and pauses. I think it needs to flow a little bit smoother. Other than that, keep up the good work ma!
12th May 2011 7:56pm
Anonymous
20th Mar 2016 1:31am
A really good poem liked it
