Heavy Rubble

They told me to never break
character,
but I broke
down
characters and kept
thinking,
closed my eyes, yet kept
blinking,
tried to tell my mind to stop
drinking,
dear Lord,
why am I still
sinking,
in sorrow,
will I stop today,
tomorrow?

I don't want to borrow
happiness
from another bottle, or dollar,
I've payed my dues,
became a scholar,
what more do I have
to endure?

I can't be
sure
where my footsteps will
take me,
why my dreams make me
want to search for success,
but how can I accept
another title when I'm nothing
but a muddy mess?

I feel like a stepped on puddle,
trying to regather myself,
drug
down
to the sewer,
left out in the cold
so long my heart,
it hurts as I unfold
from this filthy blanket;
crawling out from underneath
this heavy rubble.