My Fatal Flaw (Tuesday, 23 December 2014 22:14)

Raven/Morrigan 
Did i call you true all those 
years ago.. my death? 
ending contact on twitter 
just because of the music? 

punishing me for 
choosing my wife instead of 
my married true love 
that i have not seen in ten 
fucking years... why the cruelty 

she knows i love you 
did you think that i could stay 
far away from you 
in the same damn room as you 
without her holding me back 

or was this a way 
to punish your husband and 
i for not sharing 
room mates, is that all we were 
when you ruled over my house 

forced me to stay with 
that wife after i left to 
finally at last 
have you in my arms as wife 
at long last, then you broke me 

the six months you lived 
with us were your way to break 
me to your cruel will 
why torture a submissive 
when he didnt understand 

but i guess you just 
wanted a dominant man 
who would hurt you when 
you wanted, you could have had 
him too, wasn't that the deal? 

yes i tried to do 
what we normally did in 
mornings you and i 
were alone, snuggled cuddled 
joy turned sorrow was enough 

"what do we tell him" 
i guess you forgot it was 
regular routine 
before i went to work and 
you slept till noon for your job 

"no means no" says he 
"from her" says i, no defense 
you didn't recall 
the request you made laying 
in my bed those months before 

i should have seen it 
coming when some days later 
you, smiling, announced 
to my legal wife and i 
that you were leaving us, me 

from the moment you 
joyfully announced he asked 
my house of cards came 
crashing down, my junior wife 
was not, and i died inside 

that is the day that 
i hated her for the first 
time, and three more years 
besides, as she stayed to gloat 
and finally realized she lost 

it was four years too late for 
my heart, my hope, and my love 
i married again 
two years after that you tore 
happiness from me 

your husband was sad 
you, lonely, it was six years 
two happy years lost 
i tried to hide from the truth 
then saw date spam on her phone 

misplaced elation 
and misappropriated 
permission had me 
respond to you, damning me 
months later, i fall, confess 

guilt ridden i think 
it was my wife i felt i'd 
betrayed, regular 
no, it was shame for asking 
to see your naked pictures 

you let your play partners see, 
but not me, or any one 
that you had feelings 
for or had feelings for you - 
those were his play rules 

many betrayals 
later, we are offered my 
first cousins daughter 
in my eyes she sees "leave me 
or we both foster the child" 

The little one is 
lucky to have such a 
mother as my wife 
but our love is gone, lost to 
one lost and so far away 

how much longer can 
i keep the choice between life 
and honor my dear 
how much longer can i keep 
this damn ten year pen i earned



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Author's Note:

entered into this http://deepundergroundpoetry.com/forum/competitions/read/7584/60/ competition about addiction.

why can't i remember my dreams why am i so obsessed. why didn't i just go? will either of them ever forgive me?
...
why can't they share.  

It may not be clear... her job started later and ended later... she was NOT unemployed.