kittiewoe (Lilly)

"Is it still me that makes you sweat?
Am I who you think about in bed?
When the lights are dim and your hands
Are shaking as you're sliding off your dress?"

I'm not vulgar, I am no sex obsessed. I am people obsessed, I am movement obsesses, I am body obsessed. I am a vein person, fueled by the life messages my father left me (which was pretty much what a whore I am). I like to feel pain, especially from a lover. It doesn't make me a sadist, it makes me human. It makes me feel alive, it makes me remember who, what I am. How much drive I need to make it.
I am not a sadist.

I do hate myself,yes. I think we all do a little. I think we all have that moment, of looking at someone and thinking, I want that. I want to be that. I get this dail, from every face I pass in the street. I have not come here to get a "life is worth living" or a few "you can do it" I came here as a resort to give myself a reason.. words. Beauty and people. I am people obsessed, and the anonymity of this site gives people like me a chance to do just this... become something, someone. Call me old fashioned, call me whatever, but I still believe that we desire to be wanted, and words help us do that.

"Relationships don’t work the way they do on television and in the movies: Will they, won’t they, and then they finally do and they’re happy forever - gimme a break. Nine out of ten of them end because they weren’t right for each other to begin with, and half the ones that get married get divorced anyway. And I’m telling you right now, through all this stuff, I have not become a cynic, I haven’t. Yes, I do happen to believe that love is mainly about pushing chocolate-covered candies and, you know, in some cultures, a chicken. You can call me a sucker, I don’t care, ‘cause I do…believe in it. Bottom line…is the couples that are truly right for each other wade through the same crap as everybody else, but the big difference is, they don’t let it take ‘em down."
-Dr Cox, Scrubs