Encyclopedia Lesbonica

Well, thank you
for  nominating me to be the mouthpiece of all things lesbian.
I'd sing you the song of my people
but Melissa Ethridge hasn't written it yet.

I accept this honor with humble gratitude..
...though...
I AM a little confused...
Does this make me the GodLesbian or...
Wait no....that's Ellen.

Just put a shiny glossy of my pretty face
on the wall of the Rainbow Hall of Fame.
Somewhere between Rosie O'Donnell and Rosie the Riveter, alphabet permitting.
You will have to leave room
for Rosie's green eyed monster of jealousy because her guns ain't got nothin on me, but she can make do.

But, I must ask you....
What does this shiny gold badge mean?
Sure....I can answer questions....but....what KIND...exactly?

Oh. Well...neither of us is "the man." That's kind of the point of lesbians...

What?! NO scissoring isn't a THING!
You don't need a degree in geometry
to see an exorcise in futility....
...and a really good way  to pull a hamstring..
not that I am speaking from experience or anything....

NO
for the 1000th time I don't hate men.
I hate their genitals
there is a difference...they are separate...
One talks and one just stares-
Nevermind
The point is, I can see a man as a man
and as long as it stays in his pants,
it remains attached.

I'm so done with this.
Here's what's going to happen.
Take this goddam bullshit badge back
and sit back and relax
because I'm about to TRULY tell you how I feel about
aaaaaaaaaaall of that?
Ready? ...no? Too fucking bad...

1) my bedroom my business
GET....THE....FUCK...OUT

2) Read a book...you might learn something new without the risk of me kidney punching you.

3) men + pants = good
    men - pants = bad
It's simple math....

I'm actually pretty insulted.
I'm clearly your social experiment.
I am the rat
watching you take notes
And tap the glass
while you wax in theoreticals
and spew questions that are purely hypothetical...what's it like to kiss a chick?...the question purely academic...

I'm not going to live
in this petri dish
while you poke me
And feed me processed sugary friendship
so I can grow up big and strong
into your very own Encyclopedia Lesbonica.

Don't you people have the internet?
Because you can't delete your search history with me.
Every question is an insult
And a spotlight on your insecurity.
Correcting your ignorance
shouldn't have to be my penance
for being the only homo you know.

I also
won't be your excuse
the rainbow card you keep in your back pocket to hand out between "no offense" statements.
"I have a gay friend" does not absolve ignorance.
I will not be the glue you use
to put back together a heart you crushed with your poorly worded curiosity.
I will not be the colorful slurry you inject to make it beat again.

Acceptance and respect go hand in hand.
The more colors in your flag,
the fewer friends you have.
I'd rather be fist to fist with an honest enemy
than live
in the pocket of a counterfeit friend.

SO what am I?
A friend or a party trick?
Like a purple magic 8 ball..
stick a quarter in my crack
ask
and I'll spit your homoscope on a scrap...
of paper.

I don't need another audience member watching my life through a microscope.
I don't
need someone to watch my pain through the window pane.
I need someone out there in the rain
screaming with me until our voices break....

Or ignorance does...

Whichever comes first


Hey...I never said being my friend wouldn't hurt.