time tortures me (Tuesday, Feb 5, 2013)

 When first contacted by the one i call raven
i didn't know that i was much too young
and she was younger still
-
when she finally turned eighteen
she tried to move down to be with me
with more pride than sense,
i tried to stay with the one that i was dating, i failed
-
by then i assumed that raven was with someone else,
why would she wait for me
i believe i shared her with a legion of men and women
during those three years
but why would another man share her with me?
-
I then got married to one that had
all the worst qualities of ravens mother
now i believe that i was punishing my self
for not seeing past ravens marvelous breasts
and intelligent, mischievous eyes
to her much too young face
-
in her twentieth year
she moved in with my wife and i
after i called her up crying letting
her know that i was free
she told me to return to my wife
-
the rules that my wife created
when she moved in
made it so that i could look but not touch
and that raven would find her own man
-
in her twenty first year
because i obeyed her and did not get a divorce
fast enough to please her
she married one that she could have as her own
and they left my family, leaving me to my punishment
-
in her twenty fourth year
he started to let her play with others, but not to care
just as i was divorced and trying to find love again
-
in her twenty sixth year i was
getting married for the second time
believing that i was happy,
i tried again for love
-
in her twenty ninth year
through much misadventure and chaos
i discovered that i would never be over her
that i am not sane without her
that without her life is pain
-
in her thirtieth year
should i drive up to the house that they share
take them both into my arms,
kiss them both, and try for a new tomorrow
or should, i failing life and love,
-
"life is lighter than a feather
duty is heavier than a mountain"
is it time to put down this feather
and fly?