Death is only the being

You know... I live this life everyday wondering, pondering every thought on the surroundings to normality is this me? is this my destiny? Do I walk the shadow in an every day  apathetic person to grieve a nonsensical appearance. I feel the flowers that blossom and flow into the cascade being that echoes its virtue but this is not me.
For I am damned. The very essence of well being is dead gone I have succumb death despair and grief. I wish I could over come these very day occurrences but they will overcome me. The fruitless growth of transparency is evanescent in my hour glass. I'm dead to the core...
I am but a whimper of the person I use to be only to grasp the depths of envy showers and pitiful souls of the known reality. I will walk as an empty vessel.

When will I die? I wish for the day as it will high lighten my senses to the very being I endure. I wish this on no one but myself as I know I am already dead. Forgive me for my sorrow but I can't permit this for a simple gesture. Death is my birth a day that flourishes. My goal of accomplishment another year or so alone is eternal damnation in a complex vortex of existence.....