To Recent loves.

   
(To Paulina)  
 That day I saw you  
 I knew something was wrong  
 by the lack  
 of smile  
 on your face  
 as we spoke  
 and even though  
 you were getting  
 on the bus  
 the way you  
 turned away  
 from me  
 told me  
 you were  
 doing more  
 than leaving  
 for the  
 bus.  
    
    
    
 (To Lyndsey)  
    
 I have  
 watched you  
 from afar  
 for so long  
 with amazement  
 and  
 cheerfulness  
 That drunken kiss  
 I can't be sure if  
 you  
 would do  
 the same  
 sober  
 -whose  
 to say  
 will I  
 ever know?  
 I can't  
 be  
 sure.  
 You haven't
 said you regretted
 it
 but haven't
 welcomed
 a repeat either
 how am I
 to think
 or feel?
 I cannot  
 chase
 a memory
 or a dream
 like chasing
 the setting
 sun
 life
 is too  
 short
 and
 I do not
 have
 the strength.
 
    
 (To Katie H.)  
 I only wish  
 that I  
 didn't have  
 to  
 travel  
 to Glasgow  
 to have my  
  world  
 crumble  
 to know  
 how you  
 felt  
 it would've  
 cost  
 me  
 much  
 less  
 but I  
 guess  
 I wouldn't  
 have travelled  
 nearly  
 so far!  
    
    
 (To Paulina, Katie H.  Lynsey, Mary etc)  
  The last  
 thing  
 I expected  
 you to  
 say  
 was that  
 I like you  
 more  
 than you  
 like me  
 and so  
 cut  
 a chasm  
 like a  
 continent;  
 least  
 we know  
 where  
 we  
 stand.  
    
 (To Rachel)  
    
 Photography  
 was always  
 your thing  
 but when  
 your photos  
 came up  
 on my  
 facebook  
 feed  
 today  
 I just  
 couldn't  
 deal  
 with it  
 the pain I thought  
 I'd uprooted  
 yanked out  
 and discarded  
 like a    
 tooth  
 the pain  
 of us  
 together  
 in laughter  
 months ago  
 remains  
 lingers  
 haunting me  
 and betraying  
 my happiness  
 with the tinge  
 of sadness  
 the sharpness  
 of a razor edge  
 a harsh reminder  
 of the past.  
 
 (To Mary)
 I walked
 half way
 across the city
 waited with a
 rose  
 beside Bobby
 loyal and patient
 Maybe what  
 happened
 was  
 I have been
 betrayed
 and fooled
 by the concept
 of love
 instead
 of it's
 living
 flawed
 embodiment
 equally
 difficult
 and lovely
 what went on
 in your mind
 I don't
 know
 but
 I am
 exhausted
 by the
 agony
 of it  
 all.

(To Lynsey)

Every since
that night
I wish for
it to be
re-lived
but it
strikes me
as obvious
it cannot
and will not
be
and so
if I don't want
to corrode myself
from inside out
it's best
to give up
dreaming
and live
in reality
I saw you
at your work
and we spoke
briefly
you smiling
and I
didn't
knowing
you are too fleeting
like chasing a
noon shadow
or an autumn
leave
I cannot devote
my time
to loving
someone
who shows
none back
and worse
barely
even
friendship.

(To myself)

Again
and again
I have faced
the repeated
problem
gave more
love out
than I've got back
they do say
you have to love
yourself
before
you can love
others
maybe that
is where
I'm going
wrong
or maybe
I'm
making bad
choices
I can't
figure it
out
I need to
do
better.