deepundergroundpoetry.com
Urge
Unfed alleys brick red paint
Tainted thoughts and fainting mind
Finding you in mildew dreams
Streams of mine in your lines
Streams of mine in your lines
And then
When you said you would go
Snowy winds had drawn their veil
Snaily voice reached no far
Eyes starry stayed with me
Waiting waiting for your breeze
Tainted thoughts and fainting mind
Finding you in mildew dreams
Streams of mine in your lines
Streams of mine in your lines
And then
When you said you would go
Snowy winds had drawn their veil
Snaily voice reached no far
Eyes starry stayed with me
Waiting waiting for your breeze
Published 7th Nov 2014
| Edited 10th Nov 2014
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8th Nov 2014 4:12pm
This has a very wise outlook. I love how you use longer lines and clever diction without it deterring from the message. You don't spell everything out for the reader which makes them think more. It is a great poem.
8th Nov 2014 9:02pm
9th Nov 2014 5:33am
I'd cut the last line. Keep it just " waiting waiting on your breeze" tmho but you do not have to take it. Lol I really enjoyed this. It's complex but so good xoxo
10th Nov 2014 11:37am
