stop and take a look around

no one ever told me how to really be a man,
i was lost in a world so strange,
so i learnt from books and films and eyes,
i was nurtured from the page.

forgot i was ever someone's child,
that someone ever wanted me born,
in world full of shit and caesium's time
i was left at destiny's door.

i make mistakes, i'm learning lessons,
i always teach myself,
i still haven't taken destiny by the scruff of the cunt

or written stories to tell.
just sat inert, a darkened room,
unravelling like a thread
but i'm looking up with open eyes,
going to walk right on ahead
until i stop and realise that there are no men,
just children crawling through life
making mistakes and learning lessons,
loving, losing, telling lies,
fighting pride,
stumbling, falling, getting up,
dusting off and carrying on.

relentless inevitability til you stop, lost,
turn around, see nothing familiar,
think - that wasn't my life,
that's not how i remembered it -
what's to remember,
what's to live,
what's to sit down with a knot in your chest
expanding, killing from within,
stress, worry, politik, money,
nothing, something, nothing again,
losing time, losing friends,
losing lives, what was never gained,
what's not lost watch fade away.

you put your dreams on hold then you
unintentionally give up your dreams entirely
and you while away you life until death
comes to collect you and then you get that
last oppurtunity to look back and see
nothing but emptiness behind you.

i'm looking up with open eyes,
going to walk right on ahead.


(ref - louis de bernieres)