deepundergroundpoetry.com
WHAT?
Whats so sad about death
Whats to miss if someone dies
Whats the difference with one person gone
Wouldnt the world still spin
Wouldnt the birds still fly
Wouldnt she just move on...
Whats to miss if someone dies
Whats the difference with one person gone
Wouldnt the world still spin
Wouldnt the birds still fly
Wouldnt she just move on...
Published 19th Apr 2011
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comments 3
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The author encourages honest critique.
19th Apr 2011 12:30pm
You had an idea, you threw it down, and you didn't do too badly, but the work lacks any punch, no images to carry the mind, no clever language, nothing to give it weight...just words. Try to use a more intimate or personal voice, to make us feel what you are feeling or thinking.
19th Apr 2011 10:46pm
thank you im really glad you speaked your mind and yeah this is the first poem I ever wrote so... not too good l0l
28th Feb 2015 4:46pm
I actually thought it was pretty good.
I like the flow, and sense of matter-of-fact.
Thank you
Darker.
I like the flow, and sense of matter-of-fact.
Thank you
Darker.
