My Delicious Life

I'm not productive today.
Not operating on all cylinders.
Caffeine deficiency.

Got a smoke?
I like a cigarette in the morning
after breakfast with coffee.
(I don't
lead by example)

Been thinking about a triple quarter-pounder
with cheese.
Maybe a Philly steak sandwich
drowning in Cheez Whiz.
Seems I got a problem
with volume.
But today
I don't have a sweet tooth.
Prefer
salt and fat.

Think I'll spend the
morning at my favorite hangout--
the couch.
Reality TV
is what I like to watch.
Munching pork rinds,
ice cream, and
pop corn.

I'm not much
for exercise.
Controlling the zapper
is my idea
of a workout.

Why do I smoke?
Why not?
I'm a leader,
not a follower.
I believe in individual freedom.
Don't like people
telling me what to do.
Besides, everything good
is bad for you.
Somebody said that once
maybe, Confucius, Gandhi,
Captain Kangaroo,
the Muppets.
Anyway,
it's self-evident.

I heard once
a company could save
$ 340 per employee
each year
by keeping them physically fit.
But they won't save money
on me.
Not with my
asthma,
diabetes,
and high blood pressure.

So if you're going
to ask me
to wear a seat belt,
don't bother.
Besides
those things aren't long enough to
fit across my middle.

I take two seats
on an airplane.

By the way,
are you going to finish
those fries?