What I did During Study when I Should've been Studying

I really want you to know that
I don't even have a second choice.
I want no one more than you.
I want no one but you.
I want you and that's
all I really want.
Just you.



Every time we're together I
always stop for a moment to
think (and usually it's when you're
talking to me and telling me
something I want to hear but I get
so fucking lost in your eyes that it
kills me and I'm sorry I swear I do
want to listen I love hearing you speak
but it's almost as if the words run from your lips like
music and I can't hear the damn words but it just sounds
so perfect and lovely and wonderful and I am so lost I don't
have a clue what you're saying because I'm just that focused
on you since I fucking love you)...



I always stop to think about how
amazing you are as a person.
I promise you that I'd stay with you
even if you told me you never wanted
to have sex or even touch me ever.
I'd still be yours.

You, darling,
are better than you could possibly
imagine and I hope you can see that
I mean it when I say you are
"perfect."

It's not that I expect you to be, it's
that even with mistakes and flaws
I still love you just as much and it
lets me know you are really human
and not actually perfect because I
already feel you're way too good
for me.



I used to feel like nothing. But,
the way you look at me sometimes when
it's in the daytime and we only
just made love (not just sex but I feel
is so much more) and you look at me
like you never want to lose me and I
just...

lose my damn mind. Every word that a poet should
be able to say so simply and so easily are lost to me
and I love you and I love you and I want you and all
I want is you. Yet, I really want you to understand
that the way I feel about you is more real than
the air we breath or the time it takes to fall
asleep in a warm, quiet bed.



It honestly wouldn't matter to me if you
didn't look the way you do. I love you as a human
being. I promise to love you when you're old and fat
and kiss your scars and love you when you feel
worthless. To me you matter more than anything.



I love you.



I know that love is a four letter word. I
also know that our lives are short and that sometimes
things don't work out. Even if they don't I will always
love you. I'm yours. It doesn't matter if something
happens and you leave because no matter what
you can always come back to me and I mean
that.

I'm staying right where I am and that's right by
your side in my small truck with the windows
rolled down and the moths flicking about
the light and the windows steamed up from
sex an you sitting there, naked, telling me
about something to do with music and how
much you hate my seat belts and then taking
a sip of your energy drink as I sit there and stare
in total winder at the fact that you love me
back.




Thank you for doing everything you do
for me. Thanks for waiting out in the dark
all by yourself when I'm late getting gas
and that you still smiled when you saw me.

I'm always afraid that one day you realize
how much of a shitty person I am and that
my insecurity and oversensitivity may
break me. But please just be there
with me because I will get through
it if you're there.



Please, please just be with me. That's all
I ask. I don't care if you're with 40 other
women at the same time I will never hate
you, as long as you're telling the truth.

The thing is, I can be whatever you need
me to be. If all you want is sex, that's
fine. Friendship? Cool. A relationship?
I would love that. I love anything I could
be in relation to you. But please understand
that I will always love you and you should never
feel guilty about anything to do with me.
It wouldn't be your fault if you hurt me.




You are the only person I've ever really
wanted. I love you so much. Enough that
I really can never get enough. Sorry if lately
I've been constantly "let's have sex" but I'd be
totally okay with us just hanging out and nothing
really happening.

My favorite moment of us so far was when you
were queasy so you lay down with your head
resting on my lap and you slept. You were warm
and you were solid and I loved you so much and
I was so happy and everything was so quiet.

But I also loved sitting outside my truck on the
hard ground as we burned a plastic cup that
distorted as it melted and you took pictures
and I remember watching you take pictures
and seeing the reflection of the flame in your
eyes and I wanted so badly to kiss you.




When we were at the McDonald's parking lot
at 2 am and you had decided to smoke a quick
cigarette and you lay on my lap with your head
out the window and I was grabbing your butt,
you didn't really say much of anything but all I
wanted to do was tell you how perfect your face
was in the light but nothing can really be romantic
at a McDonalds parking lot at 2 am.




I even loved it when you were biting my arms and
left a small bruise on my face that I had to tell
everyone was just a small allergic reaction but
I felt like I had something tangible you had
given me for people to see but not really know
the truth.

I love you. I'm never going to forget you.
Please know that.