how to recall my love

 



i had a dream
you made love to me
in the house of the rising sun
where shadows crept
and spiders wept
as we both came undone

i felt you before i saw you
your talon tasting my pulse
i smiled
and reached behind your neck
to search your spine
for the music i'd left as a moon freckle there so many times before
how i'd played you like my violin
each melody
that rose from me
creating a black diamond star

smoke pours into your mouth
from mine
married with sorrow, grief,
and love
a love you forgot you knew before
like tigerlilies
whose seeds know only the wind
and never a green thumb
a love that would gather
all the hummingbirds
render them extinct
if they dipped their beaks
into my rain soaked flower
tiny singing hearts
on fast forward,
their wings a gospel song
i would feel a choir's death
in me
and still need you
in my core

the demons scowl from windows
while angels spy from clouds
two gods' moaning and glowing
in immaculate harmony
i've learned draws quite the crowd
it's a good thing
we're exhibitionists
it's a good thing
when we have torn open
each other's wrists
your blood is morphine
coursing through my veins
and throbbing between my thighs
as you fed on my ancient fire
your eyes pouring into mine
12 times I burnt with my stake
and you held with me the wind
dancing every dance
like it would be our last
even though we both knew better

it hurts now
that you don't remember my lips
kisses dripping from your lashes
like heaven spilled tears
that you don't remember
pressing your face to the glass
of my soul,
breathing mist into it
and writing messages
there that have never left me

that you don't remember
that wintry morning
we sprung from the snow
like wildflower children
blushing and flushed
and renewed
hung our skeletons
out to melt
like icicles in the trees
as we played hide and seek
with dawn,
chasing the trails of moon dust
damning the prying fingered sun
we found a place
where darkness hung
like a secret willow curtain
where we could skinny dip
in the midnight pool
slough off our flesh like coils
and whisper as the insane
nothing existing
but you and me blooming
into everything
while daylight loomed outside
as my mother,
tapping an impatient foot
but unable to keep from laughing,
too

we would inevitably emerge
and the stars would surround us
like a billion fireflies blinking
and winking
our family of depraved and dismantled saints
known only to our caress,
our fiendishness
making us sparkle like lightning
in an empty desert sky

the night
i asked you to slit my throat
because i couldn't contain any more bliss
is lost to you
the bats that licked our eyes
the way your shadow
clung to mine, never shy
like ivy to a gate
hiding eden within its walls
the key buried in my womb
that clawed your hands and made them pray
how i was your garden rose
king and queen of our garden
and painters of our clouds


and now this moon is dying
as a false one takes its place
the devil still is jealous
of us
and frightened
when the ghosts sway to our song

but still your eyes are blinded,
sweet weary crowned prince
it kills me to know
by my own weeping thorns





you have called yourself lost
so many times it lost its meaning
i was there
unseen, unrecognized
every time

i've witnessed you, time and
time again
bury yourself in others
their labyrinths of threads
and the cackling dead
my darling man running in circles of cobweb lace and twisted vine
the knots that made your hands glow red and steam
the moments you felt most divine
and at your weakest
fallen knees
screaming why at god
how your hands became claws
gripping roots and
ripping at your mask
but you never felt my paws
heard my pleading
glimpsed me shimmer mute cries

i felt hope clutch my heart
when finally you found
my wishing well
drying without your tears
it pained you to glance inside
you hated your reflection too much
to see us floating there
mirrored in despair
recollections of destiny
and fate unwed


i have always tracked
your footsteps
the only home i've known
i have filled them with tears
unending
rivers in which to drown myself
when i'm feeling too alone


i plead hopelessly with your angel
to come back to me
as i fondle the wings you left
in my belly

knowing
it is
me that is lost
to you

it was never you

and it will always be you
i mourn in speak
alone in yesterdays
and endless tomorrows both

cursed

and in love

the herald saint of hearts that are always too busy breaking
to be broken
they are falling down
my rabbit hole
as i beg to your memory uselessly
for still the keyhole sleeps
its december white coma

because the daughters of our winter
and the sons of our spring
forgot
how to scream


summer is nearing its close
and autumn wears a scarecrow's sneer when my fields are empty of you

i told you i would fall like the vagrant dead crackling leaves
without you

perhaps where they crunch beneath your step
you'll feel my last gentle tug