deepundergroundpoetry.com
Spoke..
I saw it,
in your eyes,
sparked by my feelings,
and my words.
I love you,
and that makes you happy,
even though it isnt mutual,
I can tell,
it made you feel important.
I haven't fealt that,
in a long time,
and I take it,
you haven't either.
So please,
don't let my words wither away,
recognize that you make me happy,
recognize that I at least made you smile.
in your eyes,
sparked by my feelings,
and my words.
I love you,
and that makes you happy,
even though it isnt mutual,
I can tell,
it made you feel important.
I haven't fealt that,
in a long time,
and I take it,
you haven't either.
So please,
don't let my words wither away,
recognize that you make me happy,
recognize that I at least made you smile.
Published 30th Aug 2014
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Commenting Preference:
The author encourages honest critique.
31st Aug 2014 6:41am
This a beautiful poem (in both content and structure), but I almost feel the last sentence doesn't work with the rest of the poem. Did you feel it was essential?
31st Aug 2014 8:38am
No, I really don't...i sat and thought about how to end it...and I was totally fucking lost...there were about eleventy thousand possibilities I could see, but none of them were right...i read it aloud a few times, finally got pissed at the sudden stop without the last sentence and I ran into a "Well, fuck me" moment...that last line was produced off topic and out of sheer annoyance, but at least someone else saw that it didnt fit...thnk u, I know its a lot to ask, but could you go through the last few poems I added and give critique as well...nobody comments on them enough to know how to improve..
