Counter Balancing.......

 small weighted wheel
spinning at twice the speed
of the sound of love's tears
and the echo of her cries,
her heart breaking
this morning
and just want to die.....

…..trying to float and stay upright now

turning a blind eye
to all the obstacles
loving you, from a distance
always holding you close to my heart
as if you were near, right here

the smallest part of me
knowing full well that you
do not understand the plight
of this man.....

…..his  need to counterbalance
his fears
his loneliness
his self-induced agony
the realizations of that
last third of his life

the incessant wondering
the haunting memory
of *her pillow* reserved
on the left side of his bed......

the woman that he loves; the woman that he needs

trying to walk upright
on clearly unleavened ground
moving to a step out of time
feeling like Satan's grasp is
puling me down, down, down

that is what this feels like, and maybe I should just give in.......why shouldn't I now ?

doused hopes and dreams
that can never be
strings that hold together
our desires
unraveling
trying so hard
still daring to believe.....

…....in the power of what was once you and me


counter balancing myself
right now
just so that I can continue to breathe......

and you don't hear me
and you don't believe in.....me

this weight spinning out of time
this wicked game
driving me out of my mind
shaking,
vibrating,
tearing us apart.......

….yours is not the only broken heart

nor broken dream
or harbored distrust
curse this damned balance wheel  !!!!
walk away from me if you must.......


but I love you still
our beautiful now, motionless
my desires of a lifetime......


….now deceased, just like the soul of me

counter balancing
just so I can continue
to breathe......