The Process.........ending

 
....this is the last publishing I will make here on the DU.  My tenure is through.  I hope that those who have supported what I've written will reflect and take away something from my ink before my account is closed.  Many I will miss, some not as much : )  To many, it probably will not matter at all....but such is life.  I'm man enough to say that I love the DU and wherever my spirit finds rest, your memory will not be far away.  Archie (MusicallyMrM)

“.... seems you been here many times before
It's too beautiful but true
And I'm glad I got the chance tonight
To share my now with you “


as midnight approaches
the process has begun
I've had this test a time or two
and every time I've made it through

scarred and bruised
torn and tattered
barely able to speak.......

…..none of that really mattered

because I lived to fight another day
but this time is so different,
clouded by an insidious darkness
I cannot find my way

“.......Deep and sad , I am sorry, I hope it works out for you ♥ “

so many times, the words helped
to save the souls of many
yet in my time of deepest despair,
why isn't there anybody there...

…..to save me?  Oh what a wicked game.
She says I am the one to blame, blame, BLAME

“.....every hurt rings within, amplifying each cut to the heart. Time will lessen the pain...persevere “

but pain never really goes away.  
It just becomes a manageable scar,
a condition....like a cancer
it rest upon the soul
It just gets in the way
of any other love that desires to get in

Thus the process begins...........

…...I witnessed a homegoing today
a lifeless corpse in a coffin lay
prostrate and still
at the master's feet
I stood beside this dusty body
feeling an eerie, strange sort of peace,
a release........

…..every pain, every care, every worry ceased to be
could that be the solution for the tortured soul
inside of me?


in the hours, I take myself
a long, stiff drink
keeping the glass full, all night long
just to hear myself think,
each round causing ones self to become
comfortably numb.......

…...every moment, in conversation rings out
in recalcitrant repetition
striking my head
like a semi-automatic gun

driving,
in an intoxicated haze
the flood gates are open
I cannot feel a drop of Rain

"....say something, I'm giving up on you..."

thinking,
drifting as I drive
my low slung speed racer
crossing paths with a speeding train
when the two entities shall collide,

will I feel anymore pain in death......

….than I do right now ?

“.....I hurt myself today
To see if I still feel
I focus on the pain
The only thing that's real

The needle tears a hole
The old familiar sting
Try to kill it all away
But I remember everything

What have I become
My sweetest friend
Everyone I know
goes away
In the end

And you could have it all
My empire of dirt
I will let you down
I will make you hurt...”

If I should survive the process
what will I achieve?
Facing  this new horizon?
Tis the reason I must leave.......

….this place
I've found great pleasure,
acquaintances,
perhaps a few fans, a few friends

and a special someone
who used to love me
through the hurt I've caused her,
I'll always call her friend

….silencing my pen
knowing not when and if
I should ever write again.....

…..hoping there's something meaningful
left to share
when the process ends........


“…...so badly I wanna go outside
But everyone knows
that a man ain't supposed to cry, listen
I got to cry, 'cause crying, ooh
Eases the pain, oh yeah
Even this hurt I feel inside
Words could never explain,
I just wish it would rain..........”

#forevermynow



...my life is always filled with music.  Remember me that way:  "Smoking Room" by Chaka Khan, "Comfortably Numb", Pink Floyd, "Say Something", A Great Big World ft. Christina Aguliera, "Hurt", Johhny Cash/Trent Reznor, "I Wish It Would Rain", The Temptations