"Will I stay"

I'm wound up tight
my nerves are shot ,
ready to end this life
and leave this spot ~
There is nothing for me here
There's really never been ,
it gets worse every year
I commit more and more sins ~
Am I going to hell
or will I go upstairs ?
It's not hard to tell
that nobody even cares ~
My life is hit
and there is no excuse ,
I ain't worth shit
like a blown ass fuse ~
Tighten the noose
or pull out a blade ,
or if I shoot
I'll aim at the side of my face ~
My life is over
there is nothing left ,
I can never stay sober
until my death ~
I'm sorry to all
for the wrong I've done ,
it's like I was meant to fall
I'm a suicidal bum ~
B.