deepundergroundpoetry.com
thoughts
my mind drifts to a time when i was young and free
then i became older and saw the world for what it truly was
a great big wonder filled with secrets and lies
i searched far and wide for one piece of hope
i found it in a child's mind
innocent for years till
they reach the age
where in the world they must struggle to find their place
hardship after hardship the search
some have found while others have given up hope
but in the mind and heart is where you will
find what this world truly has in mind
for there is always time
then i became older and saw the world for what it truly was
a great big wonder filled with secrets and lies
i searched far and wide for one piece of hope
i found it in a child's mind
innocent for years till
they reach the age
where in the world they must struggle to find their place
hardship after hardship the search
some have found while others have given up hope
but in the mind and heart is where you will
find what this world truly has in mind
for there is always time
Published 30th Jun 2014
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30th Jun 2014 10:34pm
Great title and introduction.
Some comments
Should "hardship after hardship the search"
be "hardship after hardship they search"?
"some have found while others have given up hope" has two categories, what about those that are still searching? Also, those that have given up, could they rest for a while and then resume the search?
The ending is a little confusing to me. The sentence may be a little too long. A shorter version could be "in the mind and heart is where you will find that in this world there is always time"
Good job. Covered a lot of viewpoints on growing up and fitting in.
Some comments
Should "hardship after hardship the search"
be "hardship after hardship they search"?
"some have found while others have given up hope" has two categories, what about those that are still searching? Also, those that have given up, could they rest for a while and then resume the search?
The ending is a little confusing to me. The sentence may be a little too long. A shorter version could be "in the mind and heart is where you will find that in this world there is always time"
Good job. Covered a lot of viewpoints on growing up and fitting in.
30th Jun 2014 10:37pm
