deepundergroundpoetry.com
Pancakes, coffee and rejection
I found a way to extract
the milk from the light of stars
but she takes her coffee black
in honour of a personal kind of abyss
that saw through
every false lit smile
and every ounce of spiced sweet charm
that was pored on her wavering thoughts
there is no such thing as darkness
it is merely the absence of light
but when all the torches
of a hunting party of roaming romantic fingers
comes home empty handed
the darkness in the belly of hunger
feels pretty real to me
the milk from the light of stars
but she takes her coffee black
in honour of a personal kind of abyss
that saw through
every false lit smile
and every ounce of spiced sweet charm
that was pored on her wavering thoughts
there is no such thing as darkness
it is merely the absence of light
but when all the torches
of a hunting party of roaming romantic fingers
comes home empty handed
the darkness in the belly of hunger
feels pretty real to me
Published 26th Jun 2014
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likes 6
reading list entries 1
comments 11
reads 964
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The author encourages honest critique.
26th Jun 2014 1:06am
To starve is to know the worth of food eh?
Yes Sir-glad to see Your Writes again DM-This was the perfect length for perfect impact-excellence!!!
Yes Sir-glad to see Your Writes again DM-This was the perfect length for perfect impact-excellence!!!
18th Jul 2014 4:02am
26th Jun 2014 1:58am
18th Jul 2014 4:03am
Lol I'm afraid the rejection was the main course, the pancakes and coffee was optional.
I love the line between cheeseyness and romantic splendor
Lines like the milked stars are there for me... When genuine, its far from cheesy
Really like it... Holds firm for me in the music to it, and the memo in it
My first reaction was that the soft personability of the ending "feels real to me" was a tiny bit weak, but it works for me, seems a genuine enough thing... Although i.would say that i think it'd be possible to make that ending stronger
Thanks for the read, been digging your last buncha writes
Lines like the milked stars are there for me... When genuine, its far from cheesy
Really like it... Holds firm for me in the music to it, and the memo in it
My first reaction was that the soft personability of the ending "feels real to me" was a tiny bit weak, but it works for me, seems a genuine enough thing... Although i.would say that i think it'd be possible to make that ending stronger
Thanks for the read, been digging your last buncha writes
Thank you, I agree with you about the last line, but i couldn't find anything else that felt as right. Lol and with regards to the borderline cheesy lines, I was a little concerned about them, but removing them didn't leave much of anything else behind.
Appreciate you taking the time to comment mate, cheers :)
Appreciate you taking the time to comment mate, cheers :)
1st Jul 2014 2:46am
Interesting and insightful , DM, with a beautiful and brilliant beginning !
18th Jul 2014 4:07am
6th Jul 2014 5:57pm
something very beautiful about the way this is written. lovely imagery, and fascinating flow
Thank you very much for the list add and the comment, very kind of you to say so :)
5th Aug 2014 3:19am
Enjoyed the form, analogy, and delicate sentiment. Good bitter-sweet balance. Kinda like how I like my coffee,...
