deepundergroundpoetry.com
Chaos of a Disconnect
You l oo k at me and I get lost
You l oo k - lost
You STAND before me in lust I lay down below you in love
I talk t o o much..... I ...... l o n g for you to listen
Instead I hear a DEAFENING silence
You s t u tt er a staccato sigh
We volunteer play pretend PRISONERS.......seeking
to navigate. stay CAPTIVATED until
Escaping through a [hidden]
trap door
Freedom forfeits reason and the ransom that was you and me
he stands before she
Misunderstanding me
She lies she forgets The truth he remembers
The news about us: Rewinds as we watch: You preview a forecast..
Pause.. my predictions - press replay
de je vous
I will not harden my heart-sow the seeds to soften your soul
You rescue me - I save you
The danger in you deploys the safety in me
I l oo k to you - you l oo k to me
And then finally you see
.you finally see......
You l oo k - lost
You STAND before me in lust I lay down below you in love
I talk t o o much..... I ...... l o n g for you to listen
Instead I hear a DEAFENING silence
You s t u tt er a staccato sigh
We volunteer play pretend PRISONERS.......seeking
to navigate. stay CAPTIVATED until
Escaping through a [hidden]
trap door
Freedom forfeits reason and the ransom that was you and me
he stands before she
Misunderstanding me
She lies she forgets The truth he remembers
The news about us: Rewinds as we watch: You preview a forecast..
Pause.. my predictions - press replay
de je vous
I will not harden my heart-sow the seeds to soften your soul
You rescue me - I save you
The danger in you deploys the safety in me
I l oo k to you - you l oo k to me
And then finally you see
.you finally see......
Published 16th Jun 2014
| Edited 6th Jun 2016
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likes 7
reading list entries 1
comments 11
reads 907
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Anonymous
17th Jun 2014 3:46pm
This is unique/disjointed but "feels" perfectly done. The message and the style blend just so. Nicely done, feenixfiles. It's a keeper.
21st Jun 2014 7:04pm
tks so much, the original format was difficult to replicate on this site..curtsy bow..
18th Jun 2014 3:10am
Love the poem Feen and the title was perfect for your ink and it's structure. Very creative! Little hard for me to read though, kinda 'chaotic'<-- pun intended ;)
21st Jun 2014 7:09pm
Anonymous
21st Jun 2014 5:12am
Fascinating structure, much enjoyed with your word play, "danger in you deploys the safety in me" so inspiring, as you say "curtsy bow." The title--works lovely, a little hard to read, must agree with RainC, but it adds to the poem so it's all good, well done.
21st Jun 2014 7:12pm
illustrating how words float in my mind..disjointed, confusing and .......I'll ask them to stand still soon..tks always curtsy bow blush........
29th Jun 2014 9:39pm
I see what you're saying: the savage, uncivilized beast of a poem as it begins life in our head, before we wrestle it into submission. I like the primal look...
Anonymous
29th Nov 2015 00:22am
so familiar this situation:..
You look at me and I g e t l o s t
You look lost
You stand before me in lust
I lay down below you in love
I talk too much I......
l o n g for you to listen
Instead I hear a DEAFENING silence You s t u t t e r a staccato s i g h
..this here inspires the pen..
it's jaggedness is the beauty of it to me..
luvin the conveyance of disconnect...
then enters disambiguation:
I look to you - you look to me
And then finally you see
.
you finally see......
,....ahh
so much to follow behind this..
nudge the soul you did Feenix...
You look at me and I g e t l o s t
You look lost
You stand before me in lust
I lay down below you in love
I talk too much I......
l o n g for you to listen
Instead I hear a DEAFENING silence You s t u t t e r a staccato s i g h
..this here inspires the pen..
it's jaggedness is the beauty of it to me..
luvin the conveyance of disconnect...
then enters disambiguation:
I look to you - you look to me
And then finally you see
.
you finally see......
,....ahh
so much to follow behind this..
nudge the soul you did Feenix...
29th Nov 2015 00:39am
30th Aug 2016 7:46am
The disconnected vibe that you were striving for defiantly shines through to ignite this photo of "disconnect" to confuse and arouse the synapses in my mind.
26th Jun 2017 1:19pm
I felt that there was too much punctuation here, even if most of it was being used as an abstract technique. Still, the format of this poem is intriguing; as well as the wordplay, small rhymes, plot, and diction like "staccato."
