Searching for Reasons

I sit here and contemplate suicide.
Clawing for a reason I shouldn't die.
Just a single reason.
A reason to keep breathing.
Something to live for.
A reason not to think this anymore.
I can't seem to find my answer.
It's spreading through me like a cancer.
Family and friends cross my mind.
Can they go on? Put their grief behind?
Do I even have any friends?
The people around, are they pretend?
I know a few in my family would cry.
I know a few would miss me if I died.
Is that enough to keep me going?
Is that enough to keep me floating?
It's enough of a reason for the moment.
Just enough for me to tolerate the torment.