Confusion

What the hell am I to you?

A companion, one to spend time with and tell your secrets to, well aware I'll keep then safe.

A lover, someone who wants you more than can be described, craving your touch, your smell, your smile.

A stranger, a face passing through the crowd going unnoticed by your warm brown eyes.

So please, tell me. What the hell am I to you? How is it possible I feel all of these at once?

I haven't heard from you since the last day of the semester, then you just, disappeared.
I understand life gets in the way, work, family, and everything inbetween.

Yet I still tried.

Just when I finally was accepting you wanted nothing to do with me, I hear your voice again.

My heart falters, my cheeks redden and my mind swirls.

I want you so much, yet I fear wanting you so. My insides swirl and churn like rotting milk. Emotions clumped together in a foul display.

My heart wants you like a starving child needs food. Emaciated and sickly without love, dying without it.
My mind detests you. I should know better, I'll get hurt once more.

This war is never ending inside my body. Constant bloodshed.

Damn you, damn you to hell! Who are you to me?

Or better yet


Who am I, to you?