I Owe Ya One

I want to go on, but I don't know how.
My thoughts are so tempting; so loud.

I could end this; their misery. Their suffering.
It's like my life is constantly buffering.

I get a few good days, sometimes in a row,
but I'm always waiting for my world to explode.

Physical contact helps soothe my depression,
but it makes me seem clingy, so here's my confession.

I trust too easy, I laugh too loud,
I always get hurt trying to make people proud.

I don't know how much longer I'll be around.
I constantly drive myself into the ground.

I just need a friend; one is really enough.
I can't deal with people I trusted writing me off.

I don't like myself, no not even a bit.
So when my company is desired, I joyfully flip.

I cling to the company of those who respect me.
They say that they like me and they value me.

Is it true? They'd be heartbroken if I was gone?
It's getting harder and harder to hang on.

I tried to be good. I tried to be useful.
I always try to be truthful.

My thoughts are screaming now.
"You're never enough." I can't stand the sound.

Everyday I try to do the right things.
I don't even know what that means.

I really tried so hard to be perfect,
but in the end it just wasn't worth it.

People come and people go.
You tell friends things your family will never know.

It's a little funny because when your friends leave you,
you'll realize it's your family that never deceived you.

To the people who wrote me off, used me, or deceived me,
thanks for helping me realize the people I really need.

I owe ya one.