deepundergroundpoetry.com
I am
give it a name and it's gone
let's just assume love
is what our outermost nerve endings
are responding to
and let's move on
like the universe does
look back with me
and see how everything there
is folded in the way we were
(how we will be again)
but this thin line we ride to transparency
feels alot like the stuff forever's made of
and it won't last long enough
to radiate back towards language
so share with me this reflection of love
(call it light if we must)
and remember it when we return
to the world where words fail us
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
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Re: I am
Anonymous
5th Jun 2014 10:57pm
<< post removed >>
re: Re: I am
6th Jun 2014 9:02am
Re: I am
5th Jun 2014 11:26pm
sometimes it's almost like as soon as you say the word then it all starts to fall to pieces.
there's something in the narrators voice that oozes experience ..and maybe a touch of pessimism.
there is a lot here LB, the last stanza especially holds a huge volume of depth, as does the opening line
nice job here, good fellow. keep shinin'
there's something in the narrators voice that oozes experience ..and maybe a touch of pessimism.
there is a lot here LB, the last stanza especially holds a huge volume of depth, as does the opening line
nice job here, good fellow. keep shinin'
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re: Re: I am
6th Jun 2014 9:07am
it's seeming more and more to me like that, that the thing does fall apart when you call it something
But calling it something is the closest we can come, as we always come back to this spot where we need to remember, so we throw words at it
Thank you Craic, very much appreciate your thoughts
But calling it something is the closest we can come, as we always come back to this spot where we need to remember, so we throw words at it
Thank you Craic, very much appreciate your thoughts
Re: I am
6th Jun 2014 2:57am
I like how the title doesn't give that name, following "I am" with nothing.
The last stanza is a real mind bender, in a dreamy, peaceful way.
The last stanza is a real mind bender, in a dreamy, peaceful way.
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re: Re: I am
6th Jun 2014 9:09am
Borrowed the title from the big guy
Thank you A, really glad this thing offered enough to bite into
Thank you A, really glad this thing offered enough to bite into
Re: I am
romantic shrodinger.......
by observing somethin you affect it...
yeah man. i dig it...............
by observing somethin you affect it...
yeah man. i dig it...............
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re: Re: I am
7th Jun 2014 11:47am
Re: I am
Anonymous
14th Jun 2014 5:17pm
this starts with something and ends with something which I find is often not the case with such short poems, or long ones too for that matter. I am perhaps hesitant about that one comma, but it's just a stylistic preference. The phrase "let's just assume love" on its own makes me fold inward in the best way.
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re: Re: I am
16th Jun 2014 6:58pm
best possible of inward folding is a compliment any day. Thank you
the comma after, "so", wasnt a labored decision. Subconscious because I heard the.pause when I read aloud... But certainly not necessary, and if its nor necessary then it should prob b removed. Again, thanks
Oh, what is it that this starts with and ends with?
Guess im being daft, but I totally miss whatever it was that u were pointing out
the comma after, "so", wasnt a labored decision. Subconscious because I heard the.pause when I read aloud... But certainly not necessary, and if its nor necessary then it should prob b removed. Again, thanks
Oh, what is it that this starts with and ends with?
Guess im being daft, but I totally miss whatever it was that u were pointing out
re: re: Re: I am
Anonymous
23rd Jun 2014 3:28am
i mean to say that it is pleasantly heavy on each end. tandem substantial beginnings and endings are rarely present with such short poems. sorry for being cryptic
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re: re: re: Re: I am
23rd Jun 2014 1:22pm
Re: I am