Now.

There was a time
that I never thought I'd get here,
that I never thought I deserved here.
There was a time
when I was lost, and the shackles I was bound to were of the vulnerable and the sly suckling away at my teats and my time and my naivety.
It's difficult to picture it now.
That's not to say it's perfect here
but it's not unbalanced, self-sacrificing, frightening in anyway.
However sometimes enduring too much monotony is emotionally painful
at least for the remaining feral within.
I've always been a person sitting on the verge of almost something to say, never much of a poet or a writer but devout regardless.
You know me, 'least those of you who have flicked through my worst and best moments here, they are probably the most important moments of my life.
I was flicking, as you do, and it's poor in a way, that here, you and I, separated by screens, counsel each other with words and a simple eye glance or feigned appreciation for each other's self-confessed emotional ordeals.
I think I might still be having one now.
See, I feel lost somewhere between wanting desperately to maintain my place here and enjoy the present day.
I feel lost.
I've made such good of myself,
I've created such a worthy person,
I eat correctly, speak correctly, help the young and the old, I have hobbies and classes to help me educate and exercise myself, I love my partner and run our home, I quit smoking, I don't dye my hair...
I feel lost at twenty-two.
There's this side of me I remember or I feel within my bones, I'm not sure, a side that's weaker, less well balanced, tearful, lazy, easily addicted.
Sometimes I miss her and I think she misses me.
We're not healthy as one.
There was a time that I really thought I would never get here
and now I am,
I just haven't planned ahead.