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Odd Jottings: The Port Hopeless Era - Silly (***Filler***)
***Ongoing Piece. Last Added: May 15***
I’m so glad I’m single,
My mind can mingle!
My night can tingle!
I’m so glad I’m single,
I can lie on the floor all day staring at the ceiling
Deciding on doing at least one thing in the day,
If even that!
I’m so glad I’m single,
I don’t have to deal with the demanding
Latin-worded body parts of the woman!
I’m so glad I’m single,
Leaving a pile of dirty plates on the floor
For two weeks without washing them can hit me as good
As three tabs of aqua-green ecstasy on an empty stomach!
I’m so glad I’m single,
I don’t have to bring resource-extraction violence unto the Natural Earth
For the sake of removing anything which poses an undesirable inconvenience unto her!
I’m so glad I’m single,
I can spend all day writing words with alternating colours of ink
And not have to plan dinner for 6pm!
I’m so glad I’m single,
I can continue into the night still lying on the floor
And laugh at the knowledge that in two or three months
I will be completely broke, maxed out, evicted, starving and stressed,
But at least now I’m not forced to have a shower for six days
By the fear that her dried spit enzyme all over my skin
Will cause unsightly blotchy rashes!
I’m so glad I’m single,
My mind can mingle!
My night can tingle!
I’m so glad I’m single,
My mind can mingle!
My night can tingle!
I’m so glad I’m single,
I can lie on the floor all day staring at the ceiling
Deciding on doing at least one thing in the day,
If even that!
I’m so glad I’m single,
I don’t have to deal with the demanding
Latin-worded body parts of the woman!
I’m so glad I’m single,
Leaving a pile of dirty plates on the floor
For two weeks without washing them can hit me as good
As three tabs of aqua-green ecstasy on an empty stomach!
I’m so glad I’m single,
I don’t have to bring resource-extraction violence unto the Natural Earth
For the sake of removing anything which poses an undesirable inconvenience unto her!
I’m so glad I’m single,
I can spend all day writing words with alternating colours of ink
And not have to plan dinner for 6pm!
I’m so glad I’m single,
I can continue into the night still lying on the floor
And laugh at the knowledge that in two or three months
I will be completely broke, maxed out, evicted, starving and stressed,
But at least now I’m not forced to have a shower for six days
By the fear that her dried spit enzyme all over my skin
Will cause unsightly blotchy rashes!
I’m so glad I’m single,
My mind can mingle!
My night can tingle!
Published 15th May 2014
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16th May 2014 3:28pm
Phew! I couldn't post this comment earlier due to another occurrence of the site being shut down due to regular maintenance or eternal server error.
Again again and again I have come short of my promises to post daily! At this point it is only fair to say that I am now only an average poster, and will only be posting things every so often. Which is probably a good thing, for your sakes, less of your days will get ruined, less disappointments, etc.
And also too, concerning my "Odd Jottings" series. Given the unreliable attention given to my earlier "Odd Jottings: The Green Notebook", again for the Odd Jottings of this writing phase, I will likely be just as unreliable in contributing to them.
As for the above starting piece "I'm so glad I'm single..." I better explain a few things further before I lose half of my female fan base. Essentially the Port Hope phase of my writings was committed over a three year period from 2009-2012, based out of an apartment I rented in a small town (Port Hope, Canada). I had just come out of a two year relationship which was restrictive and destructive. Near the end of the relationship I was standing on the edges of the roofs of tall buildings thinking about jumping every day (and even physically, I was a mere skeleton, drained to about 145 lbs - I'm currently about 195 lbs, just hovering a little past the optimal BMI index).
So being freed from that, the return to unhindered bachelorism was a Divine Resurgence, and I gleefully took great distance from the female species over the entire duration of that time. I would often pace back and forth across my room proclaiming semi-audibly to the walls the "I'm so glad I'm single" motto, sometimes up to 50 times per day, especially after a bickering couple happened to walk past the sidewalk below my window.
Now I should clarify for the record that I am not Anti-Love, and definitely not Anti-Woman. No, what I am is Anti-Relationship! I only believe in Eternal Marriage or three night stands! Anything else in the three month to two year range is a slavery and a waste of calories and a destruction of brain cells which could have been put to better use for the ecologically sustainable development of humanity...
Again again and again I have come short of my promises to post daily! At this point it is only fair to say that I am now only an average poster, and will only be posting things every so often. Which is probably a good thing, for your sakes, less of your days will get ruined, less disappointments, etc.
And also too, concerning my "Odd Jottings" series. Given the unreliable attention given to my earlier "Odd Jottings: The Green Notebook", again for the Odd Jottings of this writing phase, I will likely be just as unreliable in contributing to them.
As for the above starting piece "I'm so glad I'm single..." I better explain a few things further before I lose half of my female fan base. Essentially the Port Hope phase of my writings was committed over a three year period from 2009-2012, based out of an apartment I rented in a small town (Port Hope, Canada). I had just come out of a two year relationship which was restrictive and destructive. Near the end of the relationship I was standing on the edges of the roofs of tall buildings thinking about jumping every day (and even physically, I was a mere skeleton, drained to about 145 lbs - I'm currently about 195 lbs, just hovering a little past the optimal BMI index).
So being freed from that, the return to unhindered bachelorism was a Divine Resurgence, and I gleefully took great distance from the female species over the entire duration of that time. I would often pace back and forth across my room proclaiming semi-audibly to the walls the "I'm so glad I'm single" motto, sometimes up to 50 times per day, especially after a bickering couple happened to walk past the sidewalk below my window.
Now I should clarify for the record that I am not Anti-Love, and definitely not Anti-Woman. No, what I am is Anti-Relationship! I only believe in Eternal Marriage or three night stands! Anything else in the three month to two year range is a slavery and a waste of calories and a destruction of brain cells which could have been put to better use for the ecologically sustainable development of humanity...
