Die alone

I try and hide,
The pain inside,
With a smile that fools all.

Every day I wake up,
To the thoughts,
Of never loving anyone at all.

Yet each time I get made fun of,
I go back to this empty shell,
Made of self inflicting pain,
Endless hours of tears,
Years made up of torture,
From human critics.

Words made like daggers,
That pierce my self-esteem,
Like a silver sword to a werewolf,
My tears scream for it to end.

Sometimes I wonder,
If I'll ever be free,
Of the chains around my heart,
Questioning the thought,
Of dying alone,
Still being torn apart.

I wonder,
Looking up at the sky,
If I'll ever function,
Normally,
Like the rest of you zombies,
Going to work,
Kissing your kids goodbye,
While I sit at home and cry.
At the thought of never knowing,
What love truly is.

Because when you get called names,
Every day by your friends and family,
It tares you apart,
Deep within your broken heart.

I wonder if I'll ever be able to spill,
The thoughtless words "I love you",
To another,
Share a bodily connection,
Like no other.

Or will I die alone,
Hollow grave for an empty soul,
For no kids to morn my death,
Just a few friends that stand there,
Listening to the preacher,
Waiting to do better things.

But then again,
I'll probably die alone.