dear,

 

you became the wallpaper in every room i walk into
like the dust under your creaky bed wasn't enough to smother me
i feel heavy

you're the reason i drive around for hours after midnight
stare at lights that don't mean anything
stare at trees
at gravel at concrete
i still see your eyes in high-beams



i don't want a filter
someone to fill holes in my heart

i wish you didn't hate me
that i didn't miss him

that every creature i knew was broken and that i
turned into this cradled arm
meant for damaged wings

i am not what you think i am

i do not breathe at night