I Remember

I remember when you told me that you still loved her
I told you that I would wait, however long it took until you were ready
I promised myself that I would love you until you could love me back

But then, you told me that there would never be an 'us'
And I remember crying for hours and feeling that terrible ache in my chest
I remember my heart shattering because I heard it...it was so loud in my ears

I remember our hugs and cuddles during study hall,
the way you would look at me like I was the only thing that mattered
Like I was the most important thing in your life

I remember falling in love with you
I remember you saying that you didn't know what to do about us
I remember being so confused about it all

I'm still not sure if it was a dream or not

I remember falling in love with you
I remember stressing because I thought that you would run away

I remember when I broke my promise to myself
and I told you that I loved you, that you drove me nuts
That I needed you and you were the best thing that ever happened to me

And I remember the silence
How you inched away from me, just a little
Then you asked me, "What am I supposed to do?"

That was the beginning of the end for us

I remember the day I kissed you on your head
And brushed the hair out of your eyes
You moved my hands from around my neck
And said, "No"

But mostly, I remember being alone
Sitting by myself during our study halls
Waiting for you
Wrapped in my jacket and pretending that it was your arms

But you never came
Because you were with her

I want to believe that at one point
You actually had feelings for me
But I know it's not true

You never loved me
You didn't because I'm not good enough
I never was and I never will be