The Mind Of A Closet Tweaker

I'm living a lie ...
Wearing a mask,
Avoiding the truth,
Running from my past.
I'm so ashamed.
Guilt ices the cake of my heart.
I wish I could undo the mistakes I've made.
Given the chance,
I honestly don't know where I'd even start.
 
I'm living two separate lives ...
I've never felt so lost.
I'm trying so hard to prove them wrong.
But I can't control this inner want ...
I have an undying need for drugs.
Not knowing right from wrong ...
I act on my impulses.
My better judgment is long gone.
 
My addiction is growing stronger,
It's more powerful than I thought.
Buried balls deep in drugs,
My morals are starting to rot.
 
Time keeps ticking  
But I'm stuck reminiscing.
I'm not ready to accept reality ...
Let alone face my demons.
This cycle I must endure,
got my mind spinning.
But I've grown fond of this new way of living.
These drugs put me in a trance.
I'm unaware of my surroundings.
My minds in a comatose.
I'm adapting to this lack of being.
 
But as long as I'm still breathing,  
I won't ever stop believing!
I will fight to the death of me!
I would never let a substance get the best of me!
Because I am the creator of my own destiny.
 
~Mariah Dalli <3