deepundergroundpoetry.com
Life's Just Not Worth Living
Life, it's not worth living. As much as i've analyzed my own social existance in life, I see no real understanding of living. From the day your born till the day you die, you touch, smell, taste, feel, hurt, enjoy, laugh, cry, smile, frown, pout, hit, kick, smash, jump for joy, slap, abuse, think, ponder, and wonder. I'm sure there's about a million other emotions and feelings I didn't write down, but the over all effect is that we exist and sense and feel different emotions over the long spanditure that we call time.
Ponder this and tell me what you think. What if time, the infinite realm of all things possible, the very breath of life, the fabric of what is real and un-real, the means of moving forward 1 step and never being able to step back 2, suddenly stopped? Frozen in it's array to move forward, and you were the only one in all of existance who is able to move forward and capable of moving back; would you cherish your life then? Most likely your answer at this point is "Yes, why wouldn't I fucking care about my own life?" But have you ever wondered "Why?"
Why is life so precious, so fragile and so fraile? Is it because that we as beings are easy to be broken, both physically and mentally? Animals are fraile, so why don't we cherish them? We slaughter animals for the use of food, for their fur, for gaming fun. But what sense is this? Are we not cattle in a herd, sent forth to be "game" for others to hunt? We exist to hunt and kill each other, mankind vs mankind. Sure we try to reason and set treaties so as to harmonize with each other, but does it ever last? Does anything ever truly last?
If you were to die tonight do you think your name will rise to fame like legends of old? Legends like Elvis, Bethoven, Einstein, etc? Most likely not. But why is that? Because they were known for something. surely you were known for something, but was it anything of value to others? What exactly do people see as value? Money, Women, Fast Cars, Monetary Physical Items pawnable for the exchange of goods and services? Surely life has it's values, but should it come to this? This "Bullshit" so to speak of?
When I was 10 years old I had my first school-yard fight. And for what? Just because some kid didn't get his way about something he decided to fuck with me. Well you know what I did? Probably the most horrific thing to a young kid who probably hasn't developed much sperm to consider himself in the first stages of puberty. He swung, I ducked, and instead of punching him in the fucking nads, I grabbed hold of what little sized peas he cherished and I fucking crushed them with one hand. Yup, I heard 'em pop, and he heard them pop. He never came back to school after that day, and I never got into another school-yard fight - well not that year anyways.
I've always been picked on by others. And for what? Because i'm different? Because I do things one way, when you do them another way? Cause I go left when you go right? I fly when you sail? Well Fuck you! Fuck you pal! So i'm not the most addequate in the field of math, so I may not have what you consider tallent, so I may be a social loner who's afraid of large crowds, so what if i'm not the best looking man around. Least I'm compassionate, romantic, non selfish, caring, and I try my best to take care of myself. But what does that get me? A months worth of sex and some girl who says she's blossomed into a woman and has "Feelings" for me? Oh I feel you allright! I feel your warm pink insides as I'm fucking the ever living shit out of you. And you know what i'm thinking when I do it to ya? I'm thinking of how excruciatingly wonderful it would be to fuck you while I slice you from the top of your spine to the end of your tail bone with a knife. A nice sharp serrated and shiny knife. And for what? Thrill, delusions of grandeur, the voices in my head, this strange fucking twitching in my body that burns. This burning, this god for-saken, gut wrenching burning in my body. It's like holding a gasp of Hawaiian marijuana in your lungs and told your never able to release it. It's like taking a hit of heroin and you know that the 2nd hit is just across town, and your stopped from ever reaching it.
What is this twitching? It's like I'm having spasms if I don't hit something, if I don't bleed. I hit the pavement just outside my house for 4 hours non-stop. My knuckles torn, the strees corner covered in raspberry collored blood. This feeling, this blissful feeling of freedom. Everything goes black, vacant, cold, devoid of any signs of life here.
Am I dead? Hardly. Just an hours worth of blacking out on the cold wet pavement that was wattered over by the city sky's rain on a moonlit midnight.
-End
Ponder this and tell me what you think. What if time, the infinite realm of all things possible, the very breath of life, the fabric of what is real and un-real, the means of moving forward 1 step and never being able to step back 2, suddenly stopped? Frozen in it's array to move forward, and you were the only one in all of existance who is able to move forward and capable of moving back; would you cherish your life then? Most likely your answer at this point is "Yes, why wouldn't I fucking care about my own life?" But have you ever wondered "Why?"
Why is life so precious, so fragile and so fraile? Is it because that we as beings are easy to be broken, both physically and mentally? Animals are fraile, so why don't we cherish them? We slaughter animals for the use of food, for their fur, for gaming fun. But what sense is this? Are we not cattle in a herd, sent forth to be "game" for others to hunt? We exist to hunt and kill each other, mankind vs mankind. Sure we try to reason and set treaties so as to harmonize with each other, but does it ever last? Does anything ever truly last?
If you were to die tonight do you think your name will rise to fame like legends of old? Legends like Elvis, Bethoven, Einstein, etc? Most likely not. But why is that? Because they were known for something. surely you were known for something, but was it anything of value to others? What exactly do people see as value? Money, Women, Fast Cars, Monetary Physical Items pawnable for the exchange of goods and services? Surely life has it's values, but should it come to this? This "Bullshit" so to speak of?
When I was 10 years old I had my first school-yard fight. And for what? Just because some kid didn't get his way about something he decided to fuck with me. Well you know what I did? Probably the most horrific thing to a young kid who probably hasn't developed much sperm to consider himself in the first stages of puberty. He swung, I ducked, and instead of punching him in the fucking nads, I grabbed hold of what little sized peas he cherished and I fucking crushed them with one hand. Yup, I heard 'em pop, and he heard them pop. He never came back to school after that day, and I never got into another school-yard fight - well not that year anyways.
I've always been picked on by others. And for what? Because i'm different? Because I do things one way, when you do them another way? Cause I go left when you go right? I fly when you sail? Well Fuck you! Fuck you pal! So i'm not the most addequate in the field of math, so I may not have what you consider tallent, so I may be a social loner who's afraid of large crowds, so what if i'm not the best looking man around. Least I'm compassionate, romantic, non selfish, caring, and I try my best to take care of myself. But what does that get me? A months worth of sex and some girl who says she's blossomed into a woman and has "Feelings" for me? Oh I feel you allright! I feel your warm pink insides as I'm fucking the ever living shit out of you. And you know what i'm thinking when I do it to ya? I'm thinking of how excruciatingly wonderful it would be to fuck you while I slice you from the top of your spine to the end of your tail bone with a knife. A nice sharp serrated and shiny knife. And for what? Thrill, delusions of grandeur, the voices in my head, this strange fucking twitching in my body that burns. This burning, this god for-saken, gut wrenching burning in my body. It's like holding a gasp of Hawaiian marijuana in your lungs and told your never able to release it. It's like taking a hit of heroin and you know that the 2nd hit is just across town, and your stopped from ever reaching it.
What is this twitching? It's like I'm having spasms if I don't hit something, if I don't bleed. I hit the pavement just outside my house for 4 hours non-stop. My knuckles torn, the strees corner covered in raspberry collored blood. This feeling, this blissful feeling of freedom. Everything goes black, vacant, cold, devoid of any signs of life here.
Am I dead? Hardly. Just an hours worth of blacking out on the cold wet pavement that was wattered over by the city sky's rain on a moonlit midnight.
-End
Published 21st Apr 2014
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24th Apr 2014 2:56pm
