The Best I Can

why do i watch as the clock keeps ticking?
leaving all the lights on in the middle of the night,
sitting?

why do i care so as to how much you breath?
or why do i live with hope that'll never be?

why do i look in the mirror and see and unwanted warrior?
i don't see my battle wounds as earned
but as pain, unasked for.

why do i continue each moment as i am?

why, no matter how much i try, will never be the "best i can"?

why don't i remember anything i was taught?
grammar and math,prized possessions,
are now only a lost cause.

why do i still need to live for her
when its me that has nothing left?
why do i still breath
when i wish
my last breath
to be
right
now
?