deepundergroundpoetry.com
Bored
As every day is the same
when people that went to Spain
that also gone insane
we are the people who sit and watch the days go by
when we choose not to decide
what to do
we are no fool
As weeks go by
we still can't decide
what to do today
we could play,
watch TV, or stay
where we are
and do nothing at all
We choose to be bored
but we choose to do more
we could call our self's amused
but sometimes we might be abused
so we decided to be bored
Instead
when people that went to Spain
that also gone insane
we are the people who sit and watch the days go by
when we choose not to decide
what to do
we are no fool
As weeks go by
we still can't decide
what to do today
we could play,
watch TV, or stay
where we are
and do nothing at all
We choose to be bored
but we choose to do more
we could call our self's amused
but sometimes we might be abused
so we decided to be bored
Instead
Published 11th Mar 2011
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Anonymous
12th Mar 2011 3:12pm
Admittedly, the rhyming is a bit random.
"As every day is the same
when people that went to Spain
had also gone insane."
I'm not sure how that relates to the rest of the poem, but it would be a pretty solid line if the rest of the piece had anything at all to do with Spain, however you talk about T.V., sitting at home, playing games. So perhaps, change that 'Spain' line into something involving sitting at home.
The last stanza is a bit random as well.
"we could call ourself's amused
but sometimes we might be abused"
That's the problem with rhyming, though. You can't get that word that you think is just right.
With all of the advice, I'm aware that you know that this is your poem and you should do what you want with it, but I hope I helped. :]
"As every day is the same
when people that went to Spain
had also gone insane."
I'm not sure how that relates to the rest of the poem, but it would be a pretty solid line if the rest of the piece had anything at all to do with Spain, however you talk about T.V., sitting at home, playing games. So perhaps, change that 'Spain' line into something involving sitting at home.
The last stanza is a bit random as well.
"we could call ourself's amused
but sometimes we might be abused"
That's the problem with rhyming, though. You can't get that word that you think is just right.
With all of the advice, I'm aware that you know that this is your poem and you should do what you want with it, but I hope I helped. :]
25th Mar 2011 00:58am
"when people that went to spain" i wasn't sure if i wanted to put that but i though well try it and see if it works i was going to change it but i forgot to take that part out, your right and i know it has a messed up rhyming. that 's why my poem is called bored because that's how i felt
