deepundergroundpoetry.com
My Future
What will my future be?
Only the future
knows.
As I walk through
all these open doors I
wonder why me?
I try not to question it but
it's hard when strange things
are happening that aren't normal.
As I pace back and forth
in my corridor I wonder,
what will my future be?
Maybe it's just another
part of me!!
Only the future
knows.
As I walk through
all these open doors I
wonder why me?
I try not to question it but
it's hard when strange things
are happening that aren't normal.
As I pace back and forth
in my corridor I wonder,
what will my future be?
Maybe it's just another
part of me!!
Published 20th Mar 2014
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Commenting Preference:
The author encourages honest critique.
20th Mar 2014 6:11pm
Let's start with the opening lines.
"what will my future be? only the future knows"
It's stupid. I'm sorry, but you're saying nothing with these two lines, all you're doing is filling up space. Format them any way you want - it's not poetic.
The same thing can be said about "when strange things are happening that aren't normal"
strange and abnormal are synonyms. That's like saying "A tasty sandwich that is delicious"
Also, seemingly impossibly, in this short poem you have somehow changed your metaphorical location from walking through open doors to pacing in a corridor. One means freedom and the other constriction and limitation.
Normally this could be read into as a conflict of self, but the other lines make me assume that you just don't know how to write down what you're trying to write. Or you rushed it and it came out wrong. or you're very young and this is something you'll look back on and cringe at.
And now don't take offence to any of that, please. I wrote a lot of terrible poetry myself.
If you have the passion to write, you have the ability to improve, so take this as faith that you can improve - I wouldn't bother writing this if I didn't think you could.
"what will my future be? only the future knows"
It's stupid. I'm sorry, but you're saying nothing with these two lines, all you're doing is filling up space. Format them any way you want - it's not poetic.
The same thing can be said about "when strange things are happening that aren't normal"
strange and abnormal are synonyms. That's like saying "A tasty sandwich that is delicious"
Also, seemingly impossibly, in this short poem you have somehow changed your metaphorical location from walking through open doors to pacing in a corridor. One means freedom and the other constriction and limitation.
Normally this could be read into as a conflict of self, but the other lines make me assume that you just don't know how to write down what you're trying to write. Or you rushed it and it came out wrong. or you're very young and this is something you'll look back on and cringe at.
And now don't take offence to any of that, please. I wrote a lot of terrible poetry myself.
If you have the passion to write, you have the ability to improve, so take this as faith that you can improve - I wouldn't bother writing this if I didn't think you could.
Anonymous
21st Mar 2014 3:52pm
What path will we follow, or what path will control us. I'm not here to advise of poetic growth. This is an expression of the battles we fight. There are many outlets we chose to clear our dwelling. letting down your guard and expressing your journey helps you understand yourself.
Anonymous
18th Apr 2014 6:24pm
Nice piece. Makes me want more!
