My Rock

Here again, for the third time, trying to break down the thoughts in my mind.  Sober as a rock, but stuck underneath, where the mold and the maggots climb. Nothing to do but clean it up, takes too much time, I am impatient, with too much love on my mind.

I feel I'd do anything for you, but my mind has been way too blue, seaking out puzzle bits, while sorting out all my other shit.  I've made a mess of things.. I know, as I kept digging below.  Which brings me to this rock.  This dirty ass rock.  I'd like to throw it as far as I could, but it's too heavy right now, and way too cold.  It's like sticking your tounge to a frozen pole.  All I do is day to day.  I live, just not my way.  

Every morning is actual mourning. So every day, I feel so far away. My own soul, disconnected, broken, detatched, I know it's early.. but how long will this last?  Maybe I should learn to prolong... wait G'nR' already did this song, explaining all this bit. Maybe I should listen to that hit.......

Patience and sticking to my word is my only hope, the only way I'll be able to cope.  I hope someday you will forgive and trust me again.  That moment will be my day of zen.  

I cannot explain why I did this to us, it was stupidity, and made you mistrust, I understand because of this rock.  Hopefully when you're ready you will help me lift it up, throw it so far, your trust will unlock.  Until then I just need to express how much you mean to me, no BS, just honesty.  I can't say sorry anymore, because I destroyed that to the core.  

I love you Crystal.
I've got no more.