The Silly Invention: Indoor Toilets

Gentle folks so pretty and staid
nose wrinkled at the stench inside
The lord soiled the sheets again
Chamber pots were there...
Lord Crapper couldn’t make it
On time before uploading
Difficult to wash
at the river Leropotamos

The elders with the inventors
put their heads together
hair curled and braided entangled
ideas refused to blend
seeing the catapault
ah an idea indeed
put the lord on it to poo
then throw it at the enemies
Holy Crap! Good idea

So indeed the lord went on
Shit his load, straining hard
Im done, he shouted
And they promptly let go
Catapault away, ahoy there!
Crash the stinking load all over
Helmets and spears
With the naked lord
Speared in his butt
What a roar that was

muttering with anger and disdain
Inventors were on it again
Aha, put a hole right through the floor
That reached to the river below
And this they did, with much ado
Crap the lord did with all his might
undercooked boar was his undoing
below ladies and girls began to scream
sheets and handkerchiefs and designer jeans
were smeared with disgusting streams

the inventors sad, without ideas
use the chamber pots my Lord
try to keep it in until you sit
pray don’t crumple the bin
you fat sluggy slob
so the lord did that on his dawn
full unloading after reloading
sadly he piddled through windows
or from the turrets
with thoughts of Indoor Toilets

sometimes when sadness overcome
he ran to the woods
to do his job
to spite the bees and the bears

and thus indoor toilets
were never invented
it was more trouble
than it was worth.