Man's Best Friend

A dog is a man's best friend, right?  
Wrong! Not so!.  
A man's penis is his best friend, I say.  
How is a penis(I call mine "Junior")  
Better than a dog?  
He doesn't bark at night,  
Waking up the neighbors.  
He doesn't chew stuff up:  
Ink pens, sleeping bags, shoes.  
He doesn't turn trash cans over  
In pursuit of food scraps.  
He doesn't require much dog food,  
In fact none at all.  
He's quite accomodatable:  
I carry him with me everywhere I go.  
I keep him under wraps most of the time.  
But he doesn't complain, no whining.  
   
But today, with Winter finally on the way out,  
With the heat of Spring in the air,  
I went in the back yard and stripped down.  
Laying on my back on a blanket,  
I felt it as the sun, my hot golden girl in the sky,  
The lady of light, my blond beauty, came on strong.  
Oh kiss me my darling, kiss me all over    
With your soft lips of loving light.  
I laid on my back with my knees up,    
With my feet flat on the ground.  
As I parted my knees,  
I felt the light descending between them.    
I felt kisses of warmth extend from knee to knee    
And everything inbetween.  
(Oh, the need between my knees!)
It felt good to be exposed, set free,  
In the presence of the Supreme Female.  
Yes, the sexy solar orb blessed us.  
In return we,Junior and I,  
Offered ourselves, our nudity to her.  
 
But Junior does rebell from time to time.  
The other day i was laying on my back in bed,  
When Junior wanted to take over, be on top,  
Ruling over me, his master!  
He gave me the urge to lift my pelvis up over my head,  
My knees descended til they straddled my head.  
Incredibly my own penis was staging a coup d'tat against me.  
There it was, boldly, in my face literally.  
"Bad puppy," I said. I mean, "Bad penis."  
"Get down, lay down" I insisted.  
But i got no cooperation. It was terrible.  
Penises may not have any brains,  
But they sure do have strong wills.  
But the worst part was when he spit at me.  
He made me stroke him.  
That's when he spit on me, right in my face.  
(I'm not going to say that my mouth was open.  
Some things are just too embarrassing to admit.)  
I can't believe he would do such a thing to me,  
Show contempt for me in that crude way.  
But I forgave him.  
(For he forgives me for keeping him  
Cooped up all the time.  
It was easy to forgive him.  
For at the same time that he spit white juice  
I felt tremendous pleasure.  
I can't explain it. All I know is, it felt good!  
 
Junior's usurpation of power didn't last long.  
I was back in charge in no time.  
Over all, I'd say we get along pretty well.  
Oh, and did I tell you, he's my best friend.  
 
PS:Does this say something  
negative about my networking ability?  
Am I a hopeless recluse or what?