rape vi

wow. the imagery is very intense... my favourite is the very last stanza.. its very beautiful and shows alot of pain and depth. you write very beautifully sweety. keep it up

heh a little plagiarism from mr. morrisson and co. but fuck it... glad you dig that... and thanks for the kind words.

You palgiarised well dear. if anyone can turn stolen words into something brilliant then ill be here cheering them on... in my animal hat ^.@

The final verse is brilliant. The first two will be familiar to readers of your work, though they're perfectly servicable. One quibble: the third line. The narrator of the piece is obviously a dominant male caught up in the frenzy and psychosis of his lust, so the notion of his seed sliding out of him seems a wee bit submissive and weak, as though his penis is a dripping tap. Would "roars out of me," or some variation on that, work a little better?
Like I said, the last verse is brilliant, especially the first line in dialogue. It contains really original work, and is the emotional core of the piece.

thanks glad you dig the last verse... we must give props to jimmy morrisson and the doors on that one heh... but yeah that's an interesting thought on the cum coming out... i'll give it some thought.. thanks... cheers buddy.

I have read your rape series before and am moved by your punches, but this one I will consider as your best because of its sheer beauty; the delivery of expressions in the language of poetry- I like the word "music", as you have used over here...

i originally wrote this in my head (before typing it) the night before... "music" wasn't in the original draft just came to me.. glad you think it works well and thank cool you like this one the best in my rape series... actually i kind of hate this one.. its just "blah" to me... idk maybe you guys see something i dont.. cheers!!

You have just made art into a diffrent form.Sheer music!

always try to be on top of my game :D cheers!!

It's strange but brilliant how after reading those last couple of lines i get this rush of sympathy for the narrator...it's unexpected; catches you off guard, which is what makes it so effective.

sympathy for the narrator? hmmm. interesting reaction. I didn't expect to have the effect. you know who inspired this right?