4

To clarify this is a rant not a poem ..
 
look at the world.  
it makes sense though science math and history  
the rest is assumptions  
now think of your negative opinion on anything  
what comes to your mind when you see something you dislike  
now hit yourself because half of you I probably want to slap for your prejudice opinions  
now kiss yourself for nothing is solved with war  
bite your tongue because you’re about to say something you'll regret or that will pain someone else  
now hold your judgement and think of why its there in the first place  
i hate you  
and i hate him  
and i hate her  
and i hate them  
i hate that grin  
i hate that drug  
i hate the prejudice opinions  
and some of the semi factual ones that pain others  
i hate things that shape this world into a place of fear  
i want to walk down(at least) my school hallway and know that no ones calling me fat, no ones taking a second look to see how frizzy my hair is. I want to wear whatever and know that that  bitch isn't going to make fun of me for the next 180 day I have on this campus in her class. I want to walk down that hallway and be looked at like my thin beautiful friends because i am just as beautiful on the inside as they are. I want my best friend to hold his boyfriends hand in the hallway. I want the kid on the bus to stop making racist jokes. I want to feel comfortable and i don't and it's not my fault. I come home and i love who i am and how i look and i go to school and I'm now a fat ugly girl that no guy would ever want i mean .. it gets to the point where i look in the mirror and start to say it and i have facts to help me believe it .. you're disgusting no one will want you. Why don't you just stop breathing because your wasting air. If you want to live you shouldn't eat anymore. If you want to feel pretty try joining a gym. If you think hes going to like you take a second look because why would someone ever want someone like you. Who wants a  sweet girl when she comes with a belly who want a kind heart when it comes with depression; who wants a girl who knows shes not good enough for anyone anymore..  
breathe pause  
hold your thoughts  
think of the people who love you think of the smiles you make  
think of the wonders in the world that will come from your life
distract yourself so you can dream
 reset  
do it all over again because your friends asked a guy what he thought of you and you're a four  for 1-10
people know numbers, that's an f on a test that's falling at being a person, being accepted  
that is you and you're nothing more then the girl who walks down that hall as a four
sure you dress nice and you're sweet  
who gives a rats ass that you won the peace prize at graduation  
who fucking cares about any shred of who you are when your 180 pounds and 5'6  
who cares not my community
now i know some of you reading this and different shapes bigger and smaller  
but if you are nice and you care  
youre beautiful  
You are soooo fucking beautiful
 and there come the tears  
thats all it takes for me because I'll admit it  
 i can’t accept that im pretty because i’ve been told all my life otherwise  
im my biggest bully because i cant get over the way people look at me in the hall and i cant realize that in my mind i’m a 10 ...
 no ive let people influence me and i believe i am nothing but a four when i walk down that hallway  
 
so to the girl cutting herself  
 or to the teen coming out
or to the girl who throws up everyday to walk with a little pride
or to the kid who doesn’t have a place to sleep  
or to the person whos ready to not live anymore and is gonna give up  
You're beautiful and I hope and pray that you see it and you move past the prejudice world we live in and i hope you can live another day  
because i’ve been on my knees i’ve been in that place where all you want to do in life is give up and i might not believe it yet,  
i might still be a four, but im beautiful and i’m not going to let any scale define me
I am my own, i am me, and i’m the best four you’ll ever meet