deepundergroundpoetry.com
I WANT TO HOLD...
I want to to hold your vibrator
So I can stimulate your clit
And watch you cum with such force
As you scream, "Baby that's it
I want to hold your vibrator
And kiss you inner thigh
While my finger go up your ass
To give you that climatic high
I want to hold your vibrator
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Till you cum so hard
Your pussy begin to swell
I want hold your vibrator
To make your juices overflow
So that every time you see
Your desire begins to grow
I want to hold your vibrator,
While my dick is in your mouth
So we can cum together
That's what it is all about.
So I can stimulate your clit
And watch you cum with such force
As you scream, "Baby that's it
I want to hold your vibrator
And kiss you inner thigh
While my finger go up your ass
To give you that climatic high
I want to hold your vibrator
Powered by Duracell
Till you cum so hard
Your pussy begin to swell
I want hold your vibrator
To make your juices overflow
So that every time you see
Your desire begins to grow
I want to hold your vibrator,
While my dick is in your mouth
So we can cum together
That's what it is all about.
Published 22nd Feb 2011
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
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comments 7
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The author encourages honest critique.
Anonymous
- Edited 25th Feb 2011 11:08pm
23rd Feb 2011 3:56am
<< post removed >>
Anonymous
- Edited 25th Feb 2011 11:09pm
24th Feb 2011 00:08am
<< post removed >>
Menatlly ill folk, excuse me? At least for one, spell mentally correctly and for another you need to seriously concern yourself with actual facts, love. I have defended your work when it was of an acceptable standard. This happens to be an okay write, spelling reasonable and such but that damning of the English/American language and a persons predicament in life is simply unacceptable. I find your actions, motives and writes pretty appalling and after having a certain understanding of you and finding you have a certain wit I now change my mind. I was wrong about you, Holdit. How dare you use the term 'mentally ill' so loosely! You have no idea what you are talking about and I think you genuinely need to talk to someone about this compulsive lying issue...Do remind me what the other sites you use again were? Over and out, sweetness.
Anonymous
24th Feb 2011 00:54am
You're leaving this site?! Shit, I'm already breaking out the tequila and pulling my pants down so I can sit bare-assed on the copy machine! Celebrate good times, come on! Celebrate good times, come on!
Anonymous
24th Feb 2011 7:38pm
This poem isn't by holdit, LA, which explains the marginal quality. Agree with you about his loose use of the term mentally ill, but what do you expect from the poetic equivalent of a public bathroom.
"this is a nasty site of menatlly ill folks i came by some error and shall be leaving it"
I'm not sure whether this beats you calling the poetry writers here mental dwarves or not, Holdit.
But I do understand that you are upset because everyone is laughing at you & your antics.
Deflowered again!
I'm not sure whether this beats you calling the poetry writers here mental dwarves or not, Holdit.
But I do understand that you are upset because everyone is laughing at you & your antics.
Deflowered again!
13th Jul 2014 10:30am
Your poetic voice is strong and powerful, nathanrod, luv! :-*
You have a flow and a rhythm that are unmistakable and draw one in to read what you are saying.
The only thing I would say by way of critique would be that proofreading is going to be a necessary thing, and if you have to find someone you can go to who will help proofread, that will aid you as you continue. Those, however, are just minor issues.
So, eliminate one of the two "to"s side-by-side in the first line.
Exclamation point and close the quote at the end of "Baby, that's it!"
you to your (at "kiss you inner thigh")
UNLESS (and this is a VERY important unless, here, and I just realized it, too - ah, the power of language) I think it's relevant here especially. Oh boy. I'm wondering, now... I'm going to have to read more of your work. There is power in our words, us people of color. When we speak the king's proper English, as my grandmother would sometimes say AND when we don't. When we talk how we talk when we sittin' on the stoop. Paul Lawrence Dunbar - are you familiar with him? A great African-American poet knew this truth and wrote prolifically, powerful, riveting poetry in both ways. I have a feeling about you, my good man... Go ahead and make the changes up until thigh. Don't touch that "you". I'll be back...
Your content is pure magic. It pops off the page! :-*
You have a flow and a rhythm that are unmistakable and draw one in to read what you are saying.
The only thing I would say by way of critique would be that proofreading is going to be a necessary thing, and if you have to find someone you can go to who will help proofread, that will aid you as you continue. Those, however, are just minor issues.
So, eliminate one of the two "to"s side-by-side in the first line.
Exclamation point and close the quote at the end of "Baby, that's it!"
you to your (at "kiss you inner thigh")
UNLESS (and this is a VERY important unless, here, and I just realized it, too - ah, the power of language) I think it's relevant here especially. Oh boy. I'm wondering, now... I'm going to have to read more of your work. There is power in our words, us people of color. When we speak the king's proper English, as my grandmother would sometimes say AND when we don't. When we talk how we talk when we sittin' on the stoop. Paul Lawrence Dunbar - are you familiar with him? A great African-American poet knew this truth and wrote prolifically, powerful, riveting poetry in both ways. I have a feeling about you, my good man... Go ahead and make the changes up until thigh. Don't touch that "you". I'll be back...
Your content is pure magic. It pops off the page! :-*
