Pushing Buttons

Anxiety weighing down on me
Twisted in knots, I smoke like a phene
Pushing this button and then the next.
Wondering which will fix my problem
Scratch this itch, make the voices quit
Turn on the t.v nothing there.


Music helps to soothe the pain
Though nothing lasts long
Depression sets in, riding that long black train.
Spiraling up and down, my feelings out of control
Nothing does it for me
I try to read, books once so soothing
Are now a locked door, concentration impossible.


I pick the book up read a bit and then put it down
Can't get lost in the plot anymore
So raw my emotions, no where to hide
The sun too bright making me curse it
Sit down, stand up this is the anxiety dance.


Trying to write for a bit but it's hit and miss
My words sometimes just don't make sense
I have to write there is no choice for me
It eases the pain for brief moments, until I look at what i've written
My psyche is there staring back at me mocking me.


Looking for the button to turn it all off
The pain of anxiety like a strobe light
Pounding in my head, I hate feeling so raw
Though i'm not suicidal, never have been
I fight for my life I always have.


There seems to be a button I can't reach
Only those on the outside seem to have access
Turning me on and off
I wear my heart on my sleeve though at times I talk a tough game
It's all so transparent, my vulnerability.