deepundergroundpoetry.com
21411
With a voice like the gods
You lifted me from my place on the sheets
And your hands moved like ribbons over my form
All ten of your fingers like snakes
Instinctively seeking out the warmth.
My palms met the wall
And my knees fell apart
While my spines twisted and arched before you-
Writhing because words couldn't describe the nirvana
That I had entered with you.
I was bathed in your size..
The eight inches that you had thrust into me
140 pounds pressing my bones
Closer to the e d g e
Pulling out just before I c a m e
Close to collapsing into a bundle of moist flesh in your arms.
You lifted me from my place on the sheets
And your hands moved like ribbons over my form
All ten of your fingers like snakes
Instinctively seeking out the warmth.
My palms met the wall
And my knees fell apart
While my spines twisted and arched before you-
Writhing because words couldn't describe the nirvana
That I had entered with you.
I was bathed in your size..
The eight inches that you had thrust into me
140 pounds pressing my bones
Closer to the e d g e
Pulling out just before I c a m e
Close to collapsing into a bundle of moist flesh in your arms.
Published 17th Feb 2011
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
likes 6
reading list entries 0
comments 11
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The author encourages honest critique.
17th Feb 2011 1:50am
Because of the use of the two 'c's in the last line so 'close', there I go again, I sat here for about five minutes just rereading the line and then came back to it - anyway, because of the use of the two 'c's in the last line it really got across the word 'close' The entire thing was a little hard for me but you really came...*sigh*...in your own in the last stanza. Nice use of words and placement, AR, I'm impressed.
17th Feb 2011 2:12am
hahahaha thank you :)
do u have any recomendations to change? or is it fine?
do u have any recomendations to change? or is it fine?
17th Feb 2011 2:15am
'My palms met the wall
And my knees fell apart
While my spines twisted and arched before you-
Writhing because words couldn't describe the nirvana
That I had entered with you.' It was only this stanza that was a little cliche for me and since I'm the cliche writing queen I know what I mean :D - as for the close line, never change that I think it makes everything else not matter. It was a tragically beautiful last line that I am jealous I did not write myself.
And my knees fell apart
While my spines twisted and arched before you-
Writhing because words couldn't describe the nirvana
That I had entered with you.' It was only this stanza that was a little cliche for me and since I'm the cliche writing queen I know what I mean :D - as for the close line, never change that I think it makes everything else not matter. It was a tragically beautiful last line that I am jealous I did not write myself.
19th Feb 2011 00:31am
you mean the line about the spine? because that is actually a reference to my scoliosis not just a sexual back arch haha
"All ten of your fingers like snakes
Instinctively seeking out the warmth."
that's just plain creepy. :)
reminds me of this limerick:
The sea captain's tender young bride
fell off the dock at high tide
you could tell by her squeals
that a couple of eels
had found a new place to hide.
well, that's just plain creepy as well...
Instinctively seeking out the warmth."
that's just plain creepy. :)
reminds me of this limerick:
The sea captain's tender young bride
fell off the dock at high tide
you could tell by her squeals
that a couple of eels
had found a new place to hide.
well, that's just plain creepy as well...
19th Feb 2011 00:31am
11th Mar 2011 2:55am
......your writing is highly stimulating and it comes from more of a mental place than the purely physical. I can feel your words and that's always good for me.......
16th Mar 2011 3:43pm
:) thank you. i thought so too
the pysical is nothing without the mental
thank you for subscribing to my updates as well :)
the pysical is nothing without the mental
thank you for subscribing to my updates as well :)
26th Apr 2011 1:15am
I like all your poems, not only because of the filthy way you maneuver around the topic but also because I understand how you feel about being young and having posted these sexual poems, afraid people might judge you, because I was merely a child when I had sexual encounters. Your poems always reach, readily into my heart and mind with something that makes me hot. :) good job fellow writer, I applaud thee.
28th Apr 2011 2:52am
YAY :D
im glad they speak to you in that way. people on this site give me so much shit for posting erotics because im 15 :P so stupid >_<
sex is like a huge part of my inspiration and i feel alot of people agree,
WE HAVE FREEDOM OF SPEECH
im glad they speak to you in that way. people on this site give me so much shit for posting erotics because im 15 :P so stupid >_<
sex is like a huge part of my inspiration and i feel alot of people agree,
WE HAVE FREEDOM OF SPEECH
7th Dec 2011 7:09pm
age has nothing to do with erotic hunger
or writing about it
—religion is the culprit that has declared it sinful. fuck religion, no, better yet, piss on religion.
this piece is making my screen drip ...
keep writing!
or writing about it
—religion is the culprit that has declared it sinful. fuck religion, no, better yet, piss on religion.
this piece is making my screen drip ...
keep writing!
