deepundergroundpoetry.com
Tinfoil Beauty
This hectic Hallmark holiday
is meant for those haughty princesses
raised on plastic Disney dreams,
suckled with red tinfoil hearts
and educated in high-end chocolatiers,
harassing even the most even-keeled men
into the role of stupid, vapid prick
because "it's just what you do."
Having survived it once,
chivalrously sautéing fish and tomatoes
and overpaying egregiously for blood-red flora
apparently intended for the simple joy
of handing over hard-earned cash,
I vowed to be single
every February fourteenth
'til death relieve me.
- - -
"So I was thinking," she begins,
"I'd rather just stay in bed all day
and celebrate it right with you..."
I think I'm keeping this girl.
is meant for those haughty princesses
raised on plastic Disney dreams,
suckled with red tinfoil hearts
and educated in high-end chocolatiers,
harassing even the most even-keeled men
into the role of stupid, vapid prick
because "it's just what you do."
Having survived it once,
chivalrously sautéing fish and tomatoes
and overpaying egregiously for blood-red flora
apparently intended for the simple joy
of handing over hard-earned cash,
I vowed to be single
every February fourteenth
'til death relieve me.
- - -
"So I was thinking," she begins,
"I'd rather just stay in bed all day
and celebrate it right with you..."
I think I'm keeping this girl.
Published 10th Feb 2011
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
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The author encourages honest critique.
10th Feb 2011 8:54pm
i've always sympathised with men that felt they had to comply with that ridiculous set of 'foundational' expectations. make it your own, i say, or not at all.
thought the whole thing was great, but those last few lines could be shortened. I would personally prefer you take out lines 4 & 5 of the last stanza completely, but as always, up to you.
keeper. [:
thought the whole thing was great, but those last few lines could be shortened. I would personally prefer you take out lines 4 & 5 of the last stanza completely, but as always, up to you.
keeper. [:
10th Feb 2011 9:30pm
Yeah, I've been redoing the last stanza on and off for two days. I'm trying to shorten it (which has always been my weakness!) so another rewrite will likely come soon.
10th Feb 2011 9:32pm
11th Feb 2011 1:13am
Love this it is very perceptive, you wrote in one poem what Germaine Greer covers in a whole chapter of
the female enuch! You know where it's at. Really enjoyed it.
One suggestion would be the line because it's what you do changed to because "you're worth it"
the female enuch! You know where it's at. Really enjoyed it.
One suggestion would be the line because it's what you do changed to because "you're worth it"
11th Feb 2011 5:24am
Well, I'm not sure I deserve that praise but thank you! And as for the line, I actually had something to that effect earlier on, but changed it because I felt that if you could poll the way the average male candidly thinks about the holiday (i.e. the driving force behind him turning into the "stupid vapid prick"), "it's just what you do" would pretty much sum it up. Thanks for the constructive tip, much appreciated!
14th Feb 2011 12:14pm
To your great disappoinment, there's nothing to tear into. This is a blooody good write. No deliberately wordy tosh, nice imagery and a f**king good ending.
14th Feb 2011 8:06pm
Well I suppose I can take a success or two amidst my quest to find failure... Thanks a lot for taking the time, much appreciated.
14th Feb 2011 12:20pm
Quality valentines piece, easy read, really melts at some soft, squishy bit in you. Well done, Mike. Very effective from beginning, creating the scene and the reason behind a Love-ly finish. :D (Get on the cheese train for V Day...AKA D Day.)
14th Feb 2011 8:03pm
Haha, thanks... Personally I'd rather combine the two and call it VD Day, though I don't think the Hallmark Greeting Card Co. will endorse it much.
Anonymous
16th Feb 2011 2:24pm
Observant and true, with a nice ending which compliments the bitterness that comes before. The line breaks are astute - a rarity in some recent poems I've read on here - and the images sharp and thoughtful. Bravo.
16th Feb 2011 7:53pm
