deepundergroundpoetry.com
Haiku 5-7-5 (2013-12-22)
Today spring weather
Her nature perturbed by men
What is our future?
Written by
malin69
(malin)
Published 22nd Dec 2013
| Edited 31st Dec 2013
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
likes 2
reading list entries 0
comments 8
reads 676
Commenting Preference:
The author encourages honest critique.
Re: Short poem 5-7-5 (2013-12-22)
Anonymous
22nd Dec 2013 8:54am
And here we have had more snow than usual for the past few years... climate change and no one seems to care...
1
re: Re: Short poem 5-7-5 (2013-12-22)
22nd Dec 2013 8:58am
Yes, sure, Dee... In the future, if Gulf Stream will be stopped as predicted, your weather and ours (we live at the same lattitude) should be levelled : your weather warmer and ours colder!
Re: Short poem 5-7-5 (2013-12-22)
Anonymous
22nd Dec 2013 10:16pm
Good question, in the end we have to be responsible for our actions.
You raised some good points here Malin :)
You raised some good points here Malin :)
1
re: Re: Short poem 5-7-5 (2013-12-22)
22nd Dec 2013 10:21pm
re: re: Re: Short poem 5-7-5 (2013-12-22)
Anonymous
23rd Dec 2013 3:17am
I can tell you this much, that down below vvv there's a comp running on haiku and no one is really differentiating between haiku and senryu, so you're good my friend :)
and yes, you made a powerful point with your statement, well done!
and yes, you made a powerful point with your statement, well done!
1
re: re: re: Re: Short poem 5-7-5 (2013-12-22)
23rd Dec 2013 4:12pm
Re: Haiku 5-7-5 (2013-12-22)
31st Dec 2013 12:46pm
A very powerful statement in so few lines ... That's the power of true poetry, and you've captured it well here.
Note: this a miscue I often make myself with haiku, perturbed actually breaks down to two beats, most past tense words (- ed) in English don't change the syllable count of the root word.
When in doubt google the definition of the word to see the syllable breakdown.
For your second line you might try:
Her nature perturbed by men (7)
LSP
Note: this a miscue I often make myself with haiku, perturbed actually breaks down to two beats, most past tense words (- ed) in English don't change the syllable count of the root word.
When in doubt google the definition of the word to see the syllable breakdown.
For your second line you might try:
Her nature perturbed by men (7)
LSP
0
re: Re: Haiku 5-7-5 (2013-12-22)
31st Dec 2013 1:27pm
yes, LSP, for me, a french guy, it is hard to count correctly some words! And -ed is really a source of pertubation!!! Thank you for your reading and your comments!