Phoenix Flawed

This is really good Atakti, not a word in excess.

starts off wonderfully, (I always find the first few words the hardest) and each little stanza holds so much more than the few lines in them.

this is poetry, you are a poet. I tip my cap to you Lady  

Cheers, Craic, for comments of the highest order, and the cap tip...

It means a lot coming from you.

:)

Atakti a truly talented lady you are I feel this write in my bones.. much love Crim

Sweet, Crim, always with the heartfelt feedback. Thank you...

So glad you liked them, Gabriel! Thank you for the love.

die no myte!!!!  rM

Thank you rM, pleased you approve.

Chilling…..stark and yea, chilling!  Amazing work.  Mike.

Ah, Mike, the write chilled, did it? Job done... Thank you.

suitable for one of those drunk Monday mornings by the typing machine in a haze of the threat of light ... regards

I think I know what you mean, JC... Thanks for stopping by.

Terrific first stanza sets the stage quite well and the imagery in the third stanza grips like a vise. The final stanza brings it all home nicely . While I like most of the second stanza I think oozes would be a stronger verb than advances. Maybe something like "and the dampness oozes into (blankety blank) sheets and gloves."  All in all it is a very nice piece and my recommendation is but a nit pick. Very nice !

Thank you, Tony, for the care into the details...

I'll have another look at it with your suggestions in mind.

You live in Vancouver?  

Just kidding ...

Baby, it's coldddddd outside...

Chilling,yet so peaceful.

Some acceptance is what lends the calm... Thank you, Hashman.

Fantastically descriptive, crisp imagery!
Outstanding ink in every way my dear :)

Aww, thanks, Poetik, for your footprints and kind words.

S h i v e r s.....

A darker,--perhaps more truthful-- depiction of the struggle to rise, and face, each day (in the 'winter' of one's life.)  

A compelling piece....precise expression with intense, vivid imagery.

Oh, Enchantress, you got it... Precisely the thoughts I hoped to convey, so am very pleased.

Thank you!

It's that time of the year, no?

Yes and no. Mostly, yes, this time of year plays a role in this write.

When life knocks you out at this time of year, it seems harder to bounce back... Thanks for noticing, Luna.

A lot of what I felt from this resonates with what I've seen in 'the world' lately. People like us, experiencing a different season so to speak. Maybe I look to closely, but there was something there I need to see I suppose.

"Grey pervades the days
and the oozing damp
advances into sheets
and gloves."

Love this.

Thank you, pinkponce. Welcome to DU...

Beautiful struggle Atakti ...energy wanes and seems to set itself on constant reserve...instead of Conqueror...You become Survivor-I feel it...such a Lovely Write!!!
The less is more approach is perfect delivery for such subject!!!

Soul, you got the idea...no time to catch one's breath, but onwards we go. Thanks for that...

I love the title Atakti, it sets the tone for the rest of the poem perfectly.  Struggling and surviving captured so well.

Thank you for the love, Vee.

:)

Amen, Atakti!
Like a shining dark prayer, words rising from flames....wonderful write!

Oh wow, your comment ties my work with prayer, a chant, perhaps... I love your feedback, Mourgana, thank you.

Hey Girl!
I read you and love your words, but often don't reply, because I feel my words will only fall short. However this poem touched something in me and today I want to say.
Beautiful!

So glad you did, Glynis! Thank you for the love...

:)

I have this beautiful vivid scene of a phoenix rising from the ashes wings out stretched, ash trails stream like plumes of smoke as the phoenix launches into grey skies.

The cold depths of winter may be looming in Vancouver, but you set my imagination ablaze with your words, Atakti. There's so much that works in this piece, the imagery, structure, flow... it's an awesome poem and a fine example of your talent!!!

Case, your phoenix sounds like he's doing a lot better than mine! But in the end, yours is more accurate, because by definition a phoenix must rise.

I'm awed that my words conjured all those images up for you - thank you so much for sharing your thoughts on this, and for the list add.

"i rise, not in flames.. but streaked
in soot... my struggles.. ceased"

not a triumph of flames but a mythic perseverance nonetheless in long battle with the soot scars of life as dark medals of your trails

with hands i mark my face with your black ashes
to bring down the bright day for a time of mourning

Thank you, Semaj, for the list add and your poetic response...