3 and a half years sober

I am a throbbing ball of social discomfort wrapped in flesh
I inhale restlessness and exhale irritability and discontentedness
my heart pounds at the thought that I might blow my cover...
the optical elusion of a well adjusted tax paying sane adult
will vanish and the dork behind the curtain will appear exposing my
paper thin veneer of confidence.
alas, I practiced medicine in my room for many years until I realized there
is no cure for my condition....
Now I have no chemical pacifier to make me feel normal...
or at least make me not give a shit that I'm not normal
Im nostalgic for the days of a fistfuls of xanax to sooth my self aware brain
I need a meeting