I hate it

I hate how I have become
I fear there is no way back
I hate how I can't find joy anymore
Words have lost meaning to me now
I hate how I must look to the future
While the past keeps dragging me down
I hate how I want to abuse and scar myself
Never ending battle which I promised her I would do
I hate how I still picture how I want to die
Gun in my mouth is still my top pick
I hate how I wish I could translate this pain on to others so they know how I feel
Most of all I hate how alone I feel and the ones I miss and give my life and soul for
Have left me to rot in the caves of there mind