We Spoke Last Night

We spoke last night
for the first time in six days
A torturous week
in which my self-loathing
got the better of me
on the fifth day

We spoke last night
for an hour
Just me and the soul
of a woman who seems
to complete my
quest for happiness

We spoke last night
but it wasn’t the same
There was something
desperate within me
that blocked my attempt
at complete honesty

despite being more blunt
about my desires than
I’ve ever been
and expressing
my emotions
the best I could

My heart was revealed
more so than hers
as is usually the case
Yet she gave me enough
to keep my hopes alive
and my dreams intact

And such beautiful
dreams they are
but they’re another
poetic journey
all together, one
yet to be written

There is always
something that comes
between us
whether it’s a commitment
to ourselves
and our goals

or the presence
of former lovers
resurrected for our
own selfish needs
to fulfil or prevent
our shared ultimate desire

We spoke last night
and I was relieved
to hear her voice
because the self-defeating
committee in my head
had me worried

that she’d been kidnapped
taken prisoner
and beaten senselessly
or that she was in jail
or even worse
had died of an overdose

We spoke last night
and I realized something
about myself
and the way that
I love my fellow
human beings

family, friend, lover
and this dear woman
fits all three
sometimes causing confusion
on which role to play
to best serve her needs

As of now
I’ve only acted on two
but I feel the third
ready to volcano
out of me, after
we spoke last night

But if I’m honest
with myself
now is not the time
for either of us
to make that leap
because there’s no faith